A Close Call Todayl!

 Today I had a close call, in the electrical department, at the Kerrville Home Depot! But thank goodness Tony rescued me from Frank, who was about to give me a scare. 

Y'all take care and keep on laughing!

Episode: 34 Longmire—Texas Style!

If you would like to listen to this podcast rather than have to read it please click here on: The Cousin Nancy Show or click on The Cousin Nancy Show on the right side bar. 👉 )

This story took place in the spring of 2016.

Tony and I and all of our great Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch volunteers loved the Longmire series on Netflix. In fact, we were all hooked on the show and we could not wait to watch the upcoming Season 5, on Netflix.

Seriously, all of us loved the Longmire show and the fabulous cast so much that we all owned Longmire caps, T-shirts, buttons, mugs, bumper stickers, etc. And also had Craig Johnson’s Longmire books. 

And not to brag I actually had been given two autographed Longmire books—thanks to our dear friends Kris & Jim and Sandy & Jon.

Anyway before I go any further with this story, I must tell you that at that time I had recently received an unexpected inheritance and since the money was sort of burning a hole in my pocket, so to speak, I thought it would be fun to make a Longmire video spoof, so I could make Little Debbie, my precious, one-eyed, rescued, Chihuahua more famous than she already was. 

Big Jim, Little Debbie, Me & Lady Liz

So the first thing I did was hire our dear friend, Gerry Olert, The Greatest Video-grapher in Texas, to help video and edit the Longmire spoof for me. Even though there wasn’t even a script written, yet.

And luckily for me, Gerry cut me a really great deal—$300.00. One-fifty upfront and one-fifty when it was done. And I was more than thrilled about it, because it would be the very first time for me to produce and to be a director of a short film!

So the next thing that I did, after hiring Gerry, was to ask our dear friends aka “The Best Dog Walking Volunteers in Texas,” if they would like to be actors in my short movie. 

Gerry Olert—The Best Video-grapher in Texas

Bottom Line: They all wanted to be in the video spoof and they immediately started picking which Longmire character that they wanted to play. And luckily for me—my dear friends Eileen and Lisa then volunteered to help me write the script. Which to say the least was pretty important in the making of Longmire—Texas Style!

Anyway, a few weeks later the first scenes were shot in one day, at the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch, by Lisa and Tony. And please note that the cast members and I made our own costumes to wear, including wigs, alien-attracting-helmets, a deputy uniform and Little Debbie’s adorable wardrobe including her tiny eye-patch.

Eileen & Me

Little Debbie with Lisa & Me

Chet O'Keefe

Lady Liz with Bob the alien

Chet O'Keefe, me and Gerry Olert after filming

The Longmire cast & Longmire Posse's Facebook Comments about our spoof

Everyone knew there lines, but when it came time for us to actually start shooting the scenes—I basically forgot the script and ended up ad-libbing almost all of my lines which then caused the cast to have to ad-lib their lines, too. And those scenes turned out to be hilarious and none of us could believe how well it had turned out so far.

So the cast members were so excited about the video that they could not wait to finish it and they wanted to do it as soon as possible. But being the producer and the director I had to make a decision and tell them that we had to wait for a few weeks to shoot the final scenes of the spoof with our dear musician friend Chet O’Keefe, at our dear friends Jim & Liz Cravotta’s authentic1880s saloon.

So needless to say, the volunteers were disappointed with my decision to delay the final shooting of Longmire—Texas Style for a few weeks. But after all was said and done it was worth it.

Finally, a few weeks later Chet did return to the rescue ranch. And a few mornings later we all met up, at Big Jim’s & Lady Liz’s Grey Goose Saloon, for Gerry Olert to finish shooting the final scenes of Longmire—Texas Style video spoof.

And after we wrapped it up— Gerry did his awesome editing and I uploaded the short movie to my Cousin Nancy Channel on YouTube. And the rest is now history.

If you would like to watch Longmire—Texas Style please click on it and to watch the short video Longmire—Texas Style Behind The Scenes, that I made using Tony’s fabulous behind the scenes pictures that he took during the filming of the spoof please click on it, too. 

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Okay. Now here’s a Cousin Boomer Update for y’all:

Boomer came over yesterday and his left leg and arm were in casts and he was all bruised-up and he was mad. Tony asked him what had happened to him and Boomer told us that he had bought a can of fly spray that was on sale at the grocery store. Then he went home and sprayed it all over himself and then he climbed up on the roof and jumped off—and he did not fly. And after the doctor had patched him up he went back to the grocery store to get a refund, but they wouldn’t let him return it, because it had been on sale.

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Now it is My Thought For Today Time And I Have Two to Tell you:

Imagine if you will…An atheist is stuck at a green light, behind a car with a “Honk If You Love Jesus” bumper sticker.  

And, Imagine if you will…A world where dogs take bad owners to the Pound.

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Okay now it is Make Me Laugh Time!

 

A man walks into an elevator and there is a beautiful blonde inside the elevator and after the door closes, she looks over at the man and says, “T.G.I.F.” 

So he looks at her and says, “S.H.I.T.’’

They go up a few more floors and she looks at the man and says, “T.G.I.F.” 

So he looks at her and says, “S.H.I.T.”  

When she reaches her floor, she looks at the man again and says,“T.G.I.F means thank goodness it is Friday, duh?” 

So he looks at her, and says, "S.H.I.T means sorry honey it's Thursday, dud?”

If you’re happy and you know it—it’s your meds.

A clown held the door for me today—that was such a nice jester.

People are shocked when they find out that I am not a very good electrician.

Now here are a couple of Tony’s jokes:     

A blonde is trying to sell her car, but the only problem with it was it had over 400,000 miles on it. 

So she was upset, because she couldn’t sell her car, so she went to a bar and she met a woman that was an auto mechanic. And the blonde told her the story about her mileage problem and the lady mechanic said, “I can help you, but it is illegal.”

 

So the next day the mechanic rolled back the miles on the odometer.

A few days passed and the blonde runs into the mechanic, at the bar, and the mechanic asks the blonde, “So, did you sell your car?”

And the blonde said, “No! I’ve decided to keep it, because it only has 40,000 miles on it!”

A brunette went to the doctor and she told him, “Doctor, I hurt all over. Every where I touch myself I feel pain.”

 

So the doctor says, “Show me.” So she touches her elbow and screams with pain and then she touches her knee and she screams with pain, again.

    

So the doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”

And she replies, “No, I dye my hair. I’m a natural blonde.”

And the doctor says, “Well that explains it then—you’re finger is broken.”

And here is my last joke. A teacher asks a Billy, “If I give you two cats today and then give you four cats tomorrow how many cats do you have?”

Billy says, “Seven cats.”

And the teacher says, “No. Two plus four equals six. You’re wrong.”

And Billy says, “No. You're wrong, because I already have a cat.”

And this concludes this segment of Make Me Laugh Time. 

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Well, folks I do hope that my podcast has made you laugh at least once, but if it didn’t—who cares! I want to thank y’all for listening. And please remember my favorite quote: Life is short.And so am I!Y’all take care and keep on laughing!  Adios y’all!

Episode: 33 The Engagement! or Beavis & Butthead!

If you would like to listen to this podcast rather than have to read it please click here on: The Cousin Nancy Show or click on The Cousin Nancy Show on the right side bar. 👉 

The other night I was watching a re-run of Saturday Night Live: Season 49 Episode 17 with guest host Ryan Gosling and Chris Stapleton. And I don’t believe that I have ever laughed so hard in my life.

Every skit was funnier than the last one, but my two favorite skits in that episode were: The Engagement and the Beavis & Butthead skits.

And what made these two skits even funnier was watching Ryan Gosling, because he had a very difficult time trying to keep a straight face and not burst out laughing, while desperately trying to stay in character.

Anyway, to view these two hilarious skits just click here: The Engagement or the Beavis & Butthead skits. 

In fact, just watch the entire episode, because every skit was funny and Chris Stapleton’s performance was, as always, unbelievably awesome. I love his music.

Okay, now here is a Cousin Boomer Update for y’all: Yesterday Boomer came over for happy hour, but when he arrived he was not all that happy, so Tony asked him what was wrong. And Boomer replied, “Last week I sold my homing pigeon on Ebay—for the 22nd time."

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Now here are My Thoughts For Today folks:  As I've grown older, I’ve realized that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. And I also know for a fact that the truth is six out of the seven dwarves are not happy.

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Okay now it is Make Me Laugh Time! Thank goodness. Our dear friend Clive sent me these two:

When one door closes another door opens—and other than that it’s a pretty good car.

Sometimes I often wonder what happened to all of those people who asked me for directions.

Our dear friend Fourth sent me these two to tell y’all—One blonde to the other asks,

“Why do the French like to eat huge snails?”— “Because, they don’t like fast food.”

Why do golfers always carry extra pants? In case they get a hole in one.

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems. So I bought 2.

Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

Why was six nervous? Because seven eight nine. And this concludes this segment of Make Me Laugh Time. 

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Well folks, I do hope that my podcast has made you laugh at least once, but if it didn’t—who cares! I want to thank y’all for listening. And please remember my favorite quote: Life is short. And so am I! Y’all take care and keep on laughing! Adios!

If It Is Jokes You Want—You Got 'Em!

Tony's and my dear friend Harley David Belew on Hill Country Patriot Radio has invited me to tell some weekly jokes for his listening audience—which is a huge audience and extremely popular in the Kerrville area and the surrounding Hill Country.

Some of these jokes you may have heard before on my podcast, but what the heck—they are still funny and they will still make you laugh out loud. (So mission accomplished.) And each radio segment will be no longer than 2 minutes!

I will continue to podcast and title and number those episodes as I have in the past. But the new difference is if the podcast title simply says: Just Jokes! it will be exactly that—just some of my favorite jokes. And I can pack in a lot of jokes within two minutes.

And I do want to thank, in advance, all of our many friends who help keep me supplied with their favorite jokes. (Clive & Curtis, Fourth, Cindy, Harold, Tony, Andy, Ronnie, Drew, Gerry, Robert, etc.)

I am so excited about doing this with Harley and getting back into radio, so to speak, so please wish me luck with my newest endeavor!

If you would like to listen please click here on: The Cousin Nancy Show or click on The Cousin Nancy Show on the right side bar. 👉 )

Y'all take care and keep on laughing!

P.S. I have already published the first three of the Just Jokes! episodes on my podcast.  And from here on out a new Just Jokes! episode will appear every Saturday. So please mark your calendars.

Thanks For The Memories, Kink!

 Here are several of my favorite pictures of Kinky. And after these photos I added two more short videos of Kinky. 

After hiking with his dear friends: Will Wallace, Dylan Ferrero, Kinky and Ben Welch

Kinky on set with Jimmy LaFave for movie Palo Pinto Gold

Kinky outside on his porch

Kinky holding Stella a rescued dog from hurricane Katrina

Kinky signing a guitar on his pool table

Kinky posing next to my writing cabin at our rescue ranch

Sandy Wolfmueller, Tony and me having a fun lunch with Kinky @ Cracker Barrel

Kinky posing with Mama, my rescued Great Pyrenees

Tony took this picture of Kinky and Sophie, his rescued dog

Kinky taking a walking break with David Beckham, our rescued wild hog that plays soccer.

Tony, Kinky, me and U.S. Representative Lamar Smith @ our rescue ranch

Kinky posing with Little Jewford

Bob, Kinky, me and Jay Pennington outside of the Lodge

Kinky signed his cigar poster to Tony & me

9 years ago Tony took this video of Kinky & me doing a video for an upcoming tribute to our dear friend Ruth Buzzi

Kinky's kind words 

Thanks for the memories, Kink!

One of My Fondest Memories of Kink! or The California Texas Grudge Match!

God bless Kinky Friedman and may he rest in peace. One of my dearest and best friends, Kinky Friedman, passed away this past Wednesday evening, June 26th, and since then I've been sad and thinking about all of the fun times and good times that we shared over the past 38 years of our friendship.

I've written volumes over the years about Kinky, our beloved Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch and our long lasting friendship in books and on my blog, etc. And to say the least he was one of my all time favorite people.

Today I was looking at some of the funny videos that I took of Kinky and us and this video stood out and it made me laugh out loud. And trust me I needed to laugh.

Anyway, to set this video up, on May 31, 2009, Kinky, Tony & Kink's famous Hollywood friend John Mankieiwicz, who was at the ranch visiting Kinky, had decided to have an eight-ball pool tournament.

Kinky and Tony already had their pool-playing-nicknames. Kinky's was "The Hummingbird Man" and Tony's was "The Medina Bulldog." 

So before the pool tournament commenced, just to rattle John's nerves—Kinky and Tony jokingly nicknamed John—"Mr. California Wussie." And John thought his newly given nickname was pretty funny, too. 

But "sadly" for Kink and Tony their plan backfired, because John ended up winning the tournament—big time!

So later that day the five of us were outside, sitting on the porch visiting and Kinky decided, just for the "heck" of it, that I should make a video of Tony and Kinky presenting John with a pool championship trophy! 

So after we had all quit laughing Kinky sent me home to get my camera while he searched around The Lodge for an appropriate trophy for him and Tony to give to John. And the rest is history and it is also funny.

To watch this video please click below:

The California Texas Grudge Match

For Kinky's eyes only: "Hey Kink. Sadly, it looks like you won our long standing bet about who's horn God would honk first and unfortunately it was yours. And Hummingbird Man please know that I already miss you. Love Always, Nancy"

Wild Squirrels Unlimited! or Tony—The Squirrel Whisperer!

This has just happened. A few minutes ago Tony and I looked outside our window and saw that a cute, little squirrel had figured out a way to get inside our caged, bird feeder, so Tony and I went outside so I could film the trapped, small squirrel as Tony released him—and the rest is history. Enjoy!

Y'all take care and keep on laughing!