Howdy folks this is Cousin Nancy and you’re listening to the Cousin Nancy Show and I want to dedicate this podcast episode to Tony’s and my great neighbors: Angel, Wolfgang, Robert, Clive, Curtis, Kelly, Terry, Jennifer, Jeff, Becky, John, Ricky, Royce J.D., Deborah, Stacy, Makhail, Carol, Bill, Steve, Ellen, Charlie, Lisa and Andy. And the reason that I am dedicating this to all of them is, because I love them and they are all great people.
So to start things off here is a quick Cousin Boomer Update:
My Cousin Boomer was recently in Austin, at a friend’s funeral & before the priest read the eulogy Boomer pulled out his cellphone and asked the priest for the church’s WiFi password.
And that request seemed to really annoy the priest, so he softly and sarcastically whispered the wi-fi address, and then he told, ”Boomer, please have some respect for the dead!"
So, Boomer nodded his head to show that he understood, and then he said, “Okay I will, but is it caps or all lower case?” And sadly Boomer still doesn’t understand why he was escorted out of his friend’s funeral.
Oh and last month—Boomer finished writing a book on "How to make money.”
And he told Tony that he needs money to self-publish it. And Tony told him to go read his book. So now Boomer is no longer speaking to Tony.
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Okay, now let’s talk about what we are feeding our dogs, but first let me ask you this one question:
What’s a dogs favorite cookbook? Fifty Shades of Gravy
For several years now I have been cooking for our dogs, because I enjoy it and because it is so much healthier for them to eat instead of dry dog food kibble.
And I have now come up with a new, healthier diet for our dogs to eat and they seem to really love it.
My new recipe is very healthy and the only drawback or downside to it is it causes Henry Standing Bear to have these horrible, super-stinky-smelling farts. And I have spent months trying to figure out what ingredient or ingredients I should omit, so Henry will stop cutting-the-cheese inside our house, every thirty minutes or so.
Seriously, his foul farts are so bad that we now have our ceiling fans turned on to high speed/full blast to help circulate the air all of the time—even if it is chilly inside our house or cold outside.
And I have named this new dog recipe: Gone With the Wind! Thanks to Henry and our circulating ceiling fans.
First, in the Insta-pot I cook a one pound bag of brown rice using no-sodium Chicken broth and olive oil.
And while the rice is pressure cooking, using my Vita-mix machine, I blend together or better said—pulverize all of these ingredients together:
one large sack of Kale or brocolli
carrots
pumpkin seeds
1 doz. raw eggs with shells
1 can of Salmon with fish oil
And brussel sprouts, but do it at your own risk, because a few days ago we finally figured out what was causing Henry to be so gaseous.
After I do all of that I cook and scramble up a doz. eggs and then I mix everything together.
And lastly I add: Flax Seeds, oatmeal, Chia Seeds, thawed mixed vegetables and Blueberries. And it feeds our three dogs, Beau Bridges, Little Debbie and Henry Standing Bear, for a week. Then I make it again.
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A year ago last spring I was outside sitting on the porch after helping Tony mow the yard. I was listening to John Prine, on Pandora, singing one of my favorite songs of his—Crazy As A Loon. And that’s when I saw this beautiful, giant, black raven fly by, low to the ground and squawked at me twice.
So I mocked him or her back and that was the beginning of my new-found friendship with ravens. And since then, almost everyday, I spend anywhere from ten minutes to over thirty minutes mocking or talking back to these highly intelligent birds. And it has been a lot of fun for me even though I’m pretty sure that our neighbors, in hearing distance, must think I am this crazy old woman walking around outside—making these strange squawking, sounds.
When I told my friend Eileen about me talking to the ravens and that I was feeding them this cat kibble everyday, she suggested that I put out some shiny trinkets to give to my newly found, feathered friends. So the next time Tony and I went to Kerrville I went to one of those dollar tree type stores and spent about three dollars buying some cheap, shiny objects to give to them.
And so far, I am proud to report that my big, black-bird, friends still love eating the kitty kibble and they seem to like the shiny, cheap, gifts that I keep leaving out for them.
And if hearing me squawking at the ravens outside gives my neighbors something to smile and chuckle about I am now also talking to plants and hugging trees, too. But I am not squawking at them like I do with the ravens. I am just touching them and giving them big bear hugs.
You see several months ago I watched this short, Dr. Zach Bush documentary, on YouTube, about how important it is for us to be talking to our plants and trees.
In this very interesting documentary Dr. Bush talked about it being scientifically proven now that touching and talking to our plants and trees will cause amazing results.
He suggested that we touch the plant or tree and then say something like this to them, “I see you. You are beautiful and I love you.”
And trust me the results are instantaneous! I first started doing it with our house plants and then the real test was with this poor, four-leaves-only, struggling avocado tree, that I volunteered to baby-sit, inside our house, for Clive & Curtis during the cold winter months. And I named their avocado tree Ava.
And please note that my neighbor Jennifer originally owned Ava, but then she gave Ava to Clive and Curtis in the fall. And that is how I wound up with Ava.
Anyway, it probably is needless to say that all of our plants are the healthiest that they have ever been. And Ava, that poor struggling avocado tree now has over twenty leaves and is thriving over at Curtis’ and Clive’s place.
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And speaking of Eileen, since last June, Eileen and I have started drumming together, even though neither one of us has ever drummed before.
She and I now have snare drums, practice drumming pads, several sets of drumsticks and even our own drum thrones (which by the way is what they call drummer stools to sit on). And we are having so much fun practicing drumming together about once a week.
And not to brag—I have only fallen off of my drum throne once and thankfully Eileen and Tony were there to help pick me up and get me back on it.
Sadly, we still suck at drumming, but we are determined to keep practicing until we become great or our drumsticks break.
It is now make me laugh time and here are a couple of jokes for y’all.
Our neighbor banged on the front door at 4:30am this morning!!!!
Can you believe that. Luckily I was still awake listening to my music.
They knocked hard again and shouted, "Can we have a little respect please?"
I didn’t open the front door, because my dentures were out, so I shouted back, "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you.”
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Our neighbor just walked by our place with two big, hairy dogs.
Tony greeted him and said, "I didn't know you had any dogs."
He replied, "They're not my dogs. They're my sister's."
And Tony replied, "Wow, your sisters just pooped on our driveway!”
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Another neighbor friend of ours just started a new business making boats in his attic.
And the sails are through the roof.
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Okay here’s my last joke.
A man shoots a duck and it falls and hits his neighbor’s barn. So the man climbed over the fence to go fetch the duck.
This big old farmer sees his neighbor trespassing on his property, so he goes outside to confront him. He asks, “What are you doing on my property?”
The neighbor replies, “I came to get my duck that I shot it.”
“Sorry, but that’s not your duck,” the old man replies. “It’s on my property, so it’s my duck.” So they started arguing about the deceased duck.
Finally, the disgusted farmer throws his hands up into the air and says, “I know how we can settle this foul situation once and for all.”
“How?” the neighbor asks, scratching his head.
“We’ll take turns kicking each other in the groin until one finally gives up.” And the duck-killer reluctantly agrees to do it.
So the farmer says, “But I get to go first since the duck is on my property.”
The neighbor agrees and takes a stance and the old farmer kicks him as hard as he can in the groin.
Immediately, the wounded man doubles over, because he is in so much pain and agony and he falls down to the ground gasping for air and wailing in pain.
About 20 minutes pass and the duck-killer finally says, “Just give me one more minute to catch my breath and then I’ll kick you.”
And the farmer replies, “Nah, you can have the duck.” And then he walks away.
Well folks that is about it for now. I do hope that my podcast has made you laugh at least once, but if it didn’t—who cares!
I do want to thank y’all for listening. And please remember my favorite quote: “Life is short. And so am I!
Y’all take care and keep on laughing!
