Monday, February 26, 2024

Episode 28: On Jupiter And Mars!

I transcribed Podcast 28: On Jupiter And Mars in case you would rather read it than listen to my voice. But if you would prefer to listen to me please click here  The Cousin Nancy Show or click on the side bar👉 

Many years ago, I was surfing the channels and I decided to watch the Science channel. I've never watched the Science channel, because I nearly flunked science, in high school. Anyway, I ended up watching two episodes of NASA's Unexplained Files."

"The first show that I watched was titled “Did We Nuke Jupiter?” and it was an investigation about the possibility of NASA intentionally crashing a newly, retired, nuclear spacecraft, from the Apollo program, on Jupiter.” And to say the least it was really interesting.


So I decided to watch another episode of NASA's Unexplained Files.


That episode was about NASA having put Opportunity, one of their most sophisticated land rovers, on Mars, to roam around and take pictures of the planet, so NASA could learn more about Mars


So Opportunity, this unmanned rover vehicle ended up taking several pictures of something that it found on the ground, and it looked just like a half-eaten jelly donut and none of NASA's brilliant scientists could explain how this half-eaten jelly donut got there.


"Seriously, I saw the pictures taken of the half-eaten pastry and it definitely looked just like a half-eaten jelly donut and the jelly was red in color.


So, I am thinking that this red jelly donut was left there by a Martian that has a very good sense of humor.


And it makes me wonder just how long that half-eaten jelly donut has been on Mars waiting to be discovered, because that nasty stuff that they put inside those jelly donuts may take years and years to digest or it might not ever disintegrate.


Anyway, every time that I told someone about this half-eaten jelly donut on Mars I could see my friends trying not to laugh about it, including myself. But please note that all major news organizations around the world were covering this strange story, too. And it was also reported that William Shatner even wanted to know how it got there.


Anyway, today while I was surfing the Internet about that jelly donut found on Mars I discovered that on February 14, 2014 Nasa finally solved the mystery of that jelly donut. And it turns out that it was just a piece of a Mars rock that was broken off when the rover ran over it.


And you can check the story out here. And you can also see pictures of it here.


****

Okay, now it is Make Me Laugh Time—With A Little Help From My Friends!


Our dear friends Clive & Curtis sent me this one:

I just bought a pet termite. And I named it Clint Eats-Wood.


Our dear friend Fourth sent me this one:

A woman brought a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon. As she

laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope to

exam the duck.


After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm

sorry, your duck, Kathy, has passed away."


The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"


"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..


"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any

testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."


The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned

a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's

owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his

front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to

bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.


The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few

minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and

also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back

on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the

room.


The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this

is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."


The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a

bill, which he handed to the woman.


The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried,

"$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"


The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,

the bill would have only been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat

Scan, it's now $150.00. 


Our dear friend Lyle, from Iowa, sent me this one:

Two blondes run into a building. And you would think that one of them would have seen it.


And lastly here are a couple of good ones that I found on the Internet:

This chicken and this egg were laying in bed together and the chicken reached over and lit up a cigarette and the egg said, “Well, I guess that answers that age old question.”


What do you call birds that stick together—Vel-Crows!


I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. So I’m worried that my next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

And this concludes this segment of Make Me Laugh Time. And I do want to thank my dear friends for sending me their funny jokes to help me make you laugh.

****

Our dear friend Gerry Olert, the best videographer in Texas, sent me this great video yesterday that he recently filmed, at Triple H Equitherapy—Where Horsepower Heals and it was so beautiful—it touched my heart and made me tear up. 


The title of this short, three minute video is a Magic Moment With Tad Leggett. And please click here to watch it.

 

And to find out more about this wonderful non-profit organization, in Pipe Creek, Texas, please click here on triple-h-org.


And that is about it for today. And like I always like to say near the end of my podcasts, “I hope that the jokes today made you laugh at least once and if not—who cares!”


Thank y’all for listening and please always remember my favorite quote, “Life is short and so am I!”


Y'all take care and keep on laughing!

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Episode 27: Life Is Good And Even Better When It Is Funny!

In this hilarious episode I interview a couple of my favorite people—sisters: Eileen and Dean. I love these two women, because they are extremely funny sisters and their way of telling a story is like no other, because they will have you laughing from the git-go.

So grab your favorite beverage and sit back and enjoy listening to my funniest friends tell their humorous stories about a monkey and a horse named Silver, the Hell's Angels on an airplane, ghosts, a moonshiner, John Wayne's birthday celebration at the Wooden Nickel in Crested Butte, Colorado and Willie Nelson, etc.

I did not transcribe this episode, so if you would like to listen to this podcast please click on The Cousin Nancy Show or click on the right side bar The Cousin Nancy Show👉.

Our dear friend Gerry Olert took these two pictures of us standing outside, in front of my mural. Dean is on the left and Eileen is on the right and I am the short one.



And Gerry also took this one of us right after we finished doing the podcast. 
Left to right: Lisa, Eileen, me and Dean.


Y'all have a great evening and keep on laughing!

Saturday, February 10, 2024

Twins? or Is It Memorex?

 Today I was looking at some old photos and I burst out laughing when I saw these two photos of us accidentally dressed alike, which we still accidentally find ourselves doing. 

It never really bothered me when this would happen, but Tony would more or less—be totally horrified especially if some one commented on it—like at the grocery store or at the the Medina Cider Mill, or Wolfmueller's Books. For example: This picture of us was taken at the Cider Mill, 2017 after we enjoyed lunch with our fabulous dog-walking volunteers.

And this" twins photo" (except for our caps) was taken of us, at Sandy & Jon's famous Wolfmueller's Books store, in 2018. And please notice Tony isn't smiling in either photo, because that is how he looks when he is horrified or embarrassed.


Anyway, tomorrow when I do the super-fun podcast with Eileen & Dean I am going to try to trick Tony and dress alike again and get Gerry to take a picture of us as long as he doesn't make me look fat. 

Now that I've gone down memory lane with y'all I have to ask,  "Are Tony and I twins or is it Memorex? Or is it just old age."

Y'all take care and keep on laughing!

Friday, February 9, 2024

A Wise Doctor Once Wrote!

Today has been great. This past few days Tony and I have been cleaning house, because this Sunday afternoon, our good friends Eileen, Dean, Lisa and Gerry Olert are coming over for my podcast that I will be doing with Eileen and her sister Dean. And to say the least, "I can't wait to do this podcast with two of the funniest women that I know.

Because when our friends come over I do not want our cabin to look like Tony and I live here. So, I started deep-cleaning our little house and it sort of got out of control for me. While Tony did what he could to help me clean, it was a slow go for him, because of his two crutches getting in his way.

Anyway, besides cleaning the bathroom, the floors, kitchen, bedrooms, etc. I decided that I needed to spruce things up a little bit, so I totally repainted our countertops and black & white checkerboard floor, by the front door, and I must admit that I love the results. And to celebrate our really clean house I put a new quote on the chalkboard, that our friends Jim & Liz Cravotta made for us.  


And please note the stack of four, pretty, custom-hand-made potholders that Jean recently made for me.

And that is about it for today. Y'all have a great evening and keep on laughing! 

Saturday, February 3, 2024

Podcast Episode: 26: Make Me Laugh Time!

In this 7 minute podcast please click here on The Cousin Nancy Show to listen or click on the side bar 👉.

This past Tuesday, Tony and I met up with our dear friends, Liz & Jim Cravotta, so we could do lunch together and catch up with each others news. And to say the least, “As always, Tony and I had a total blast seeing them.”

It was decided that we would meet Jim & Liz, at the East End Market, in Kerrville, which is Tony’s and my favorite vintage, antique store.


And just so you will know the East End Market was voted Best Antique Shop in ’22 and ’23 by the Kerrville Daily Times People’s Choice Awards. And in my opinion-you just can’t do any better than that.


We were meeting our super-talented, artist friends, at the East End Market, because Jim & Liz have two vendor spaces there and they had wanted to stop by there first, so they could add several new items to their constantly changing, unique collection of rare, vintage, one of a kind finds.


Tony and I were about ten minutes early when we arrived at the super-cool East End Market, so Tony and I greeted the friendly manager and then we went back to Liz & Jim’s area to look around. And Tony and I immediately fell in love with several of their latest finds.


Tony loved their antique, vintage Wagner Cast Iron muffin pan, that was made before the Griswold Cast Iron Company bought out Wagner’s.


I fell in love with their antique coffee grinder that still grinds if you crank it, their rare Erector Set and the super-cool plate engraved with all of the 12 astrological signs.




But what really grabbed my attention was this rare paperback book Pleasure Man written by Mae West and it was signed by her, too! 



When our friends arrived Tony and I were still looking around at all of their really cool stuff, when I told them I could not believe that they had a signed Mae West book for sale. And Jim said, “Do you know that most people now days don’t even know who Mae West was? Can you believe that?” 


And all that I could say was, “No, I can’t believe that. I guess we’re showing our age.”


After all was said and done there, the four of us drove down Water Street to eat lunch, at El Sol de Mexico, one of the finest Mexican food restaurants, in Kerr County.


When we walked inside the packed establishment, our friend Beto, their friendliest waiter, greeted us. And because almost all of the tables were already taken inside, we decided it would be fun to eat our lunch, out on their patio, because it was another one of those beautiful, sun-shiny days, in Kerrville, Texas.


Needless to say, our food was absolutely delicious and our conversations flowed with laughter. In fact, I laughed so much that my back literally began to ache. 


And to quote Albert Einstein, “Time flies when you’re having fun,” well I was having so much fun I didn’t realize that we had been out on that patio for over two hours.


Now before I try to make y’all laugh at least once, I want you to know that you can find out more about this famous couple if you listen to my Episode 14 podcast, “The Cravotta’s Close Encounters of the Famous Kind!” And I will promise you that it will be a super fun, hour long, conversation filled with interesting topics and non-stop laughter. 


Okay now it is Make Me Laugh Time, so here we go:


Number 1: If you ever get an e-mail about ham, pork, salt or preservatives—don’t open it, because it’s SPAM.


Number 2: This morning I woke up and I decided to make sure that Tony woke up with a big smile on his face. So now I can’t have Sharpies in the house anymore.


Now I am going to try to sing Number 3 for you: Like a good neighbor—stay over there.


Number 4: Well, I finally did it. I broke down and bought myself a new pair of pink cowboy boots with memory foam insoles. So now I won’t be forgetting why I walked into the kitchen, the other room, etc.


Number 5: We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we will be new friends.


And Lastly, Number 6: I don’t know how people get eaten by sharks—I mean how do you not hear the music?


I want to remind everyone about my upcoming podcast that I will be doing with Tony’s and my dear friends, Eileen and her sister Dean with a live audience, in the Last Resort Studio, on February 11th. It had been originally scheduled for the 9th, but we bumped it up to the 11th, so I can make sure our house is clean and it doesn’t look like we live there. 


Anyway it is going to be so much fun that I am sure that your back will ache from laughing too much! So you might want to go ahead and buy some BioFreeze patches, just in case your back does go out.


And this just in: I have been invited to speak at the Faith & Freedom Club, with my friend Bob Bolin, Monday, February 12th. There will be a reception held from 3:00 to 4:00, at the Medina Community Library. And then from 4:00 to 5:30 Bob and I will take turns at the podium sharing our personal stories about cancer. And then I get to give a short Medina, Texas history lesson. 


And that is about it for this podcast. I did transcribe this one, too. So if you would rather read it than have to listen to me please go to: cousinnancy.com and click on the link to my Cousin Nancy blog. And to further entice you—my blog will have a few pictures, too!


I am dedicating this podcast to our dear friend Dave Crowe. He passed away a few weeks ago. Dave was a good man with many talents. Our good friend Gerry Olert and I did a really fun podcast with Dave, in 2022. And if you would like to listen to it please click on Episode: 22: “Full of Gas! or One Amazing Man!”—Rest In Peace, Dave. You were loved and you will be missed.


Lastly, I do want to thank all of y’all for listening to my podcast and I do hope that I did make you laugh at least once. And if I did make you laugh then I have done my job. But if you didn’t laugh—who cares! 


Y’all take care and keep on laughing. And please always remember my favorite quote that I came up with all by myself: Life is short and so am I. I love y’all!

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Podcast Episode: 25 Here's Your Sign! or I Want To Get It Off My Chest!

Well I am finally podcasting, again! And in this episode 25 that I have transcribed for you if you don't want to listen to my voice I explain why the long lapse of time since doing my last podcast in March with our good friends Roxanne & Lyle. But if you would prefer to listen to this 15 minute podcast please click on The Cousin Nancy Show on the side bar or you can listen to it here

When you get to my podcast all you have to do is pick a way to listen to it and you can listen to it now by clicking here.

Howdy Folks, this is Cousin Nancy and thank you for listening to the Cousin Nancy Show.

Before we get started I need to explain the long lapse of time since doing my last podcast. And I want to get it off of my chest, so I will try to keep it short and put it on a bumper sticker if possible. So here goes:


Last year while I was watching Super Bowl, a little voice inside my head told me to touch my left breast, and since this has never happened to me before, I touched it and I felt a lump and it scared the heck out of me.


But thanks to a couple of dear friends I found a fabulous doctor later on that week. And after the doctor had checked me out he told me he was concerned about the lump and he scheduled me to get a blood test, a mammogram and then a biopsy. 


Thankfully, I did pass that horrible blood test with flying colors, but it left me bruised in four different places, because that inexperienced young man obviously did not know how to draw blood or a cartoon. 


A week later came the crushing mammogram and that hurt even more than my four stab wounds that I had received from the blood test guy.


The following week they did the biopsy. And by now my nerves were completely frazzled.


Bottom line: I was then sent to see a general surgeon and I liked him, even though he wanted to give me a lumpectomy as soon as possible.


Luckily, my dear friend told me to talk to her sweet sister-in-law who had a lumpectomy, years ago, and she was great and she calmed me down, because she answered all of my questions concerning the surgery, etc.


On the morning of the surgery, April 5th around 4:45 in the morning, Tony woke me up. And before I climbed out of bed I threw it out to The Universe to please give me a sign if I should get the lumpectomy or cancel the surgery.


My first sign was immediate, because we were having a severe thunderstorm with heavy rain pounding our metal roof so loudly it made our dog Henry crawl underneath the bed.


The second sign was when I turned on the bedroom light and saw that my cherished alien-attracting-helmet had fallen off of the head post and it was on the floor, next to the bed. And in five years, ever since I made that thing this has never happened before. (And you can see my silver alien-attracting-helmet on the side bar, with me wearing it, standing next to my VW alien mural.


My third sign was when we drove to the hospital, in dangerous pouring rain, with lightning striking all around us.


The fourth sign was right after I had pre-registered, at the nurses station, I told Tony I was going to the bathroom. And the minute  that I stepped out of the waiting area into the hallway— all of the lights went out in the entire hospital which really scared me until seconds later when the hospital generators kicked-in. I guess the hospital had been hit by lightning. Anyway by now I was seriously thinking that maybe I should reschedule the surgery or just simply forget about it all together and just go home. 


A little while later this nice nurse took us to my tiny room and had me change into a faded, unisex gown and then I was quickly whisked away, in a wheelchair, to another room down the hallway, so they could start prepping me for my upcoming surgery. 


And by now I was a nervous wreck until the nurse gave me a small paper cup filled to the brim with this dark green medicine to drink. And it looked like and it tasted like Vicks NyQuil. 


Anyway a few minutes later after the nurses had returned me to my private room, the drugs were definitely kicking-in. I was suddenly relaxed and smiling. And while I talked to Tony, we happily watched one person after another, on gurneys, being wheeled down the hallway to go get their surgeries.


Okay now. Picture this. There I was on this bed with wheels, sitting on these paper thin, sheets of paper and I was obviously in some kind of La-La-Land, watching all of these people on gurneys go by, when I turned my attention to the country music that was playing loudly, throughout that hospital wing. And that is when I received my fifth and final sign—that definitely told me not to have the surgery.


Then seconds later, this kind nurse walked into the room to check on me and to offer me another warm blanket. 


And as she was putting that blanket over me, I casually said to her, “That is one horrible song for people to have to listen to before they go into surgery.” And the nurse paused a moment to listen to the music, and then she said, “Oh my god!” As she rushed out of the room, into the hallway, and softly hollered, “Turn that music off now! Turn it off!” 


And within seconds the music had stopped, and you could hear the sound of silence throughout that hospital, except for a few nurses giggling, at the nurse’s station.


And when that same nurse returned to my room, I jokingly said, “Now don’t get me wrong. I love Garth Brooks and his music, but listening to him singing that beautiful song, The Last Dance, before going under the knife is just a little too much.” Then the nurse, Tony and I began to chuckle about it.


But I guess the last laugh was on me, because about ten minutes later, before going into surgery the anesthetist came into my room to hook me up to an IV and before he left the room he asked me to please remove my dentures, because he was afraid during the surgery that they might get damaged. 


So a few minutes later, there I was toothless and being wheeled down the hallway, into surgery. And that is all that I can remember. Thank goodness.


Less than an hour later, I woke up in my room with Tony standing beside my bed. And as I was putting my clothes back on my surgeon poked his head into my room and gave me a thumbs up, and he said, “I got it all! I will see you in a week.”Then I covered my mouth and I thanked him.


Before being wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair, I put on one of my old, gently used, blue, Covid-19 mask to hide the fact that I wasn’t wearing my dentures.


After we got into the truck Tony and I went to Walgreens to fill my prescriptions and we were told it would take an hour, because the pharmacist was out to lunch. And because Tony was starving I suggested that we go to Sonic to grab a hamburger, while we waited for my meds.


After Tony ate his burger with Tater-Tots and I had gummed my cheeseburger down we went and picked up my prescriptions.


When we were leaving town and were stopped at the last signal light, our pickup made this horrible sound and the check engine light came on immediately. So when the traffic light turned green Tony drove us across the intersection into a small convenience store’s parking lot, that was less than 100 feet away.


The bottom line is a tow truck picked up our truck and our dear friend Sandy rescued us and drove us home.


One week later, I went to see the surgeon and he told me that everything looked good and was healing great and then he suggested that I take a month off to rest and to heal. And to say the least I liked his plan.


During that month, a dear friend had suggested that I watch this 9 hour documentary, The Truth About Cancer by Ty Bollinger. And so I did.


Every day I would watch at least one, one-hour episode of The Truth About Cancer and I am so glad that I did, because I discovered that there are so many alternative ways of fighting cancer.


Anyway a month later, we went and saw my surgeon, again and he showed us the after surgery reports that showed that he did get all of the cancer, because the lymph node that he took out and the marginal area that had surrounded my lump that he had removed—were clean, non-malignant and were cancer free, too.


Even though my prognosis was good the surgeon did recommend that I set up an appointment with an oncologists, but I chose not to, because I knew I was cancer-free and I did not want chemo or radiation to destroy my immune system. And that is the main reason why I have not done a podcast for so long. And also because Tony and I were both working part-time jobs.


But please note that I am not giving advice to anyone dealing with Cancer. The choices that I made worked for me, but I do highly recommend to anyone fighting cancer to watch this eye-opening documentary about cancer, because if nothing else it will give you more insight about alternative treatments and having hope for a cure, because in many cases now days cancer is no longer a death sentence. 


Now that I have gotten that out of the way or better said "Gotten that off of my chest" it is time for a Cousin Boomer update:


Last week Boomer came over for happy hour and while we were visiting with him he told us about his 2024 New Year’s resolution. 


Boomer told us that he is planning to go to Paris, Texas, so he can take selfies of himself standing in front of the Eiffel Tower—which has this giant, shiny, cherry-red cowboy hat on top of the tower. 


And he also plans to go to that famous, historic Evergreen Cemetery, in Paris, so he can get a selfie of himself standing by the 12 foot monument of Jesus in cowboy boots. 


When Tony asked Boomer  why he wanted to do that Boomer replied, “Because it’s near the top of my bucket-list and they are both free to the public.”


So while we were sipping our beers I told my cousin that I had just decided to write another mystery novel. And Cousin Boomer asked me if he could please be a character in it and I told him he could, because he told me that being a character in one of my books has always been on his bucket-list, even though he told me that it is near the bottom of his bucket-list, since I wrote my first book. And I think that was a compliment, but I am still not sure about that.


Anyway, since then all I’ve got for a plot is Cousin Boomer, who we all know is a traveling salesman, in real life, checks into the cheapest, most run-down, motel he can find, in Paris, Texas.


And after he has quickly checked into his room and has unloaded his suitcase—he jumps into his pickup truck, so he can go take selfies by Paris’ two, free, most famous, popular, tourist attractions.


And I’m thinking in the second chapter I’ll write something like this: 

“Later that night, after Boomer has returned back to his motel room—he takes a hot shower. And when he comes out of the bathroom, he receives a note pushed from under the door, and he is even more intrigued, because it’s the closet door.


And the note’s three handwritten words were, “Remember the Alamo.” 


And that is all that I’ve written so far, folks. 


Okay. Now it is Joke Time and here we go.


Do you know that it’s a fact that life isn’t a fairy tale. For example, if you loose your shoe at midnight—you’re drunk.


Okay, here’s one about addiction: 

I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey—But I turned myself around.


And I like this one, too. Why do we call them olives and not—Greece’s Pieces?


And lastly, what do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.


Well, folks that’s about it for this podcast. And I do promise to get back-in-the saddle-again and start podcasting on a regular basis. Some of my podcasts will still be about an hour long, but most of them will be much shorter—just so I can tell  you a few jokes and to hopefully make you laugh out loud, because it is a fact, that laughter is the best medicine.


FYI: On February 9th, I want to give y’all a head’s up about an upcoming podcast, because I will be doing a super-fun podcast with my dear friends Eileen and her sister Dean with a live audience, in the Last Resort studio. And y’all will be in for a real treat listening to some of their hilarious tales. So please remember to mark your calendars.


Lastly, before I go I do want you to know that I  love and am dedicating this podcast to some very special people in my life: Tony, Cindy, Ronnie & Nita, Eileen, Sandy, Jean, Steve, Andy, Sue, Lyle & Roxanne, Dylan, Lloyd, Clive & Curtis, Cindy P., Gerry, Angel, Debbie and Mack, and Fourth and to the finest nurses and the best doctors, in central Texas.


And that is about it for now. Thank y’all for listening. Y’all take care and keep on laughing. And please always remember my favorite quote that I came up with: “Life is short and so am I!” I love y’all.



Sunday, December 24, 2023

Merry Christmas!

 Tony & I and Little Debbie, Beau, Henry Standing Bear and our super-cool cats Sunshine, Moonshine, Shoeshine and Graydon wish y'all a Merry Christmas And Peace On Earth.