Episode: 35 Mr. Toes Goes To San Antonio!

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In this hilarious episode my guest is Eileen, one of the best storytellers and one of Tony's and my favorite people.

The laughter starts immediately when Eileen begins telling the story about her husband's cat, Mr. Toes, that they had entered into their first cat show, in San Antonio. Tony was laughing so hard he had to leave the room.

And when he returned to listen to the show Eileen and I were laughing about Eileen's hilarious story about her sister Dean's barrel racing experience on a racehorse named Hummer. So once again, Tony had to leave The Last Resort Recording Studio aka Cousin Nancy's kitchen, because he could not quit laughing.

Then a few minutes later when Tony had calmed down and returned again, Eileen had me laughing about her story about this monkey riding a pony.  So Tony immediately turned around, waved goodbye and left the "recording studio," because his back was aching from laughing so much.

And this was not the end of the laugh-a-thon, because Cousin Nancy gives a Cousin Boomer Update followed by Eileen and her trading some pretty funny jokes. And this part is transcribed and has pictures.

Okay. Here’s a Cousin Boomer Update for y’all:

The other day Boomer came over and he was pretty depressed. And he told us that he was so poor he had rubbed cologne, from a magazine, on himself and when I said, “Well you smell good. What are you wearing?”

And Boomer said, “page 17.”

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Now it is My Thought For Today Time!

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing:  It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

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Okay now it is Make Me Laugh Time! Thank goodness.

There was this blonde and she won a boat from a contest. Her husband told her she should sell the boat, because there was no water and no fish within fifty miles. 

She told him, “Nope I am going to keep it.” So she parked her boat in the back pasture.

A few days later her sister came over and asked her husband, “Where’s my sister?”

And he told her that she was fishing on her boat— in the field.

So the sister walks over to the back fence and hollers, “Debbie what are you doing?”

And the blonde says what does it look like I’m doing? I’m fishing!”

And her sister says, “Well, that is about the dumbest thing that I have ever heard of. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

So the blonde put down her rod and real and hollers back, “If I could swim I would come over there and kick your behind.”

Now Tony told me this joke. 

On a chilly afternoon a woman took her dog to the grocery store with her. Before she went shopping she rolled the windows down to make sure her dog was comfortable and when she got out of her car, she said, “Now stay. Do you hear me? I said stay.”

And a blonde, sitting in the car beside hers, says, “Why don’t you just put it in Park?”

Now, here are a few cat and dog jokes for y’all:

What do you call a cat who loves to bowl? An alley cat.

What do you call a fluffy male cat asleep on a bed? A Himalayan.

What did the alien say to the cat? Take me to your litter.

What do you give a cat with allergies? An anti-hiss-tamine.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

Why aren’t cats religious? They’re scared of dogma.

And speaking of show dogs here are a few more jokes:

My dog’s not fat. He’s just a little Husky!

The Dalmatian hid from people because he didn’t want to be spotted.

You’re the best dog in the world. I Shih Tzu not.

In this race, the Weiner takes it all.

I worked all day with no break. It was a Mastiff waste of time.

And this concludes this segment of Make Me Laugh Time. 

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Here are pictures of Mr. Toes and Eileen's husband showing off the ribbons and rosette.

I do hope that my podcast has made you laugh at least once, but if it didn’t—who cares! I want to thank y’all for listening. And please remember my favorite quote: Life is short. And so am I.

And I would also like to thank my dear friend Eileen for being on the show and telling us a few of her hilarious stories.

Y’all take care and keep on laughing! Adios y’all!

The Motto!

Last night, I spent the evening writing and I had so much fun. Speaking of fun, today has been great.

Tony and I worked at the Old Timer's Rusty Dawg food truck, yesterday and today and I think that we are starting to get the hang of grilling tasty hot dogs. We had many customers both days and Tone and I are feeling much more relaxed, because we've worked out a routine that seems to be working out fine for us.

In the morning, when we first arrive, Tony starts up the grill, outside and cleans it, while I'm prepping the kitchen and getting everything ready inside.

Once "his" grill is hot and ready to go, Tony puts the hot dog sign out, near the highway, in front of the Old Timer, while I am prepping my iPod and picking out the tunes I want it play outside, on my awesome Bose Dock. Then at 11:00, Tony turns on the neon OPEN sign, we open the curtain and start selling hot dogs as fast as Tony and I can make them, with my favorite music playing in the picnic area, that has covered picnic tables for people to eat at.

I really love working in the food truck and like so often with me—it is another dream come true. And, Tony enjoys it a lot too, because he is the official "grill master." (Or at least he thinks he is.)

We work Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, from 11:00 - 2:00 and it is the perfect amount of hours for our part-time jobs. I think if we had to work anymore hours, it would feel more like jobs to us, instead of "getting away for a few hours."

And the only bad thing about us working today, at the Rusty Dawg, was I dropped two buns and one hot link, on the floor. But the good news is Henry, Belle, Roy and Beau were glad that I was clumsy.

Early this evening, our dear friend Jim aka The Mineral Man, sent me an e-mail about a dear friend of his, passing recently. The friend had a stroke, in the barn and his two Great Pyrenees, Sunshine and Sassie, were with him.

Because Jim was unable to attend the out of state service, this man's daughter sent Jim a photo montage that was handed out at the ceremony. And on the back, was the Great Pyrenees Motto and Jim wanted to share it with me, because he knows how much I love Great Pyrenees.

 When I read the Great Pyrenees Motto my eyes instantly filled with tears, because it made me think of Mama and how much I miss her, because not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

The Great Pyrenees Motto

“I roam, I bark, and I don’t always listen, but I’ll guard you and love you forever and always."

After reading this, which I believe says it all, I went on my blog and found the post that I wrote when Mama passed away, at home, on August 7, 2014. And here is the link to My Very Best Friend. 

Then I searched for pictures of Mama and these are a few of my favorite pictures of this magnificent dog.

So anyway, I just wanted to pay tribute to her tonight and all of the Great Pyrenees out there.

And yes, I know that in my last post, I wrote about my purpose was to write and to make people laugh. So, I'll wrap this up tonight by telling you that Mama wasn't perfect, but almost. Because when she ran off one night and finally came back, at 2:00 in the morning, I opened the door to let her in, before I realized that she's been skunked.

In fact, her coat was still damp, with that stinking skunk oil. And before I could shove her back outside, she raced through the trailer, ran back into the bedroom and jumped on the bed.

Tony woke up immediately, with Mama kicking him and rolling on her back of the bedspread, trying to dry off. And let's just say that Tony was not a happy camper and he was not thrilled to be in bed with my Mama. And I will not repeat the words he said.

Y'all have a great evening and keep on laughing! (Great Pyrenees Rule!)

Pickin' & Grinnin'! or Spin To The End!

Today has been great. This morning our dear friend Gerry Olert, the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch's and my Official Videographer, came out to visit us this morning and we had a total blast visiting with him.

During our fun visit with Gerry I showed him my new banjo and then told him how easy it was to play and about how much I was enjoying playing it. Tony asked me to play it for him, so I went to my computer, then to the YouTube Channel I had found, a while back, on How To Play The Banjo: Lesson One. Then I sat down and played a couple of songs with this YouTube banjo instructor.

Not to brag, but Gerry was pretty impressed. Gerry is a great guitarist, so I handed him my banjo and let him watch that, same, 6 minute long, beginner lesson, where this instructor quickly teaches you how to play the C, D7th, G and Em banjo chords. And then you get to play the two songs with him, like I had just done. Bottom   Line: Gerry played great and he was excited about how easy it is to play the banjo. So I replayed that same YouTube video, again and restarted it, near the end, after the lesson, where you get to play along with the instructor. And Gerry was playing as good as the instructor or even better.

Because our good friend was so excited about learning how to play the banjo, I took out my guitar, so he and I could play some more music. And we started picking' & grinnin' until both our fingers got sore and they were starving. Then we went, to Kerrville and ate lunch together, before adios-ing each other and going our separate ways.

This afternoon, after we got back to the ranch, I checked my email. And omg, Kris sent me the cutest story, that has a very happy ending, about this 10 year old, Great Pyrenees named General, that escaped from an animal hospital—by opening four doors.

After reading the story I watched the surveillance video of him opening these doors and wandering around the hospital and the office before leaving the building. I was laughing so hard it made my back start aching and then it made my heart ache, because General reminded me so much of my many beloved Pyrs—especially sweet Mama.

For some reason all Great Pyrenees instinctively know how to open doors and gates to escape—without having any training. And Mama was one of the best at doing that. Like the time, many, many years ago, when late one night, she opened the front yard gate and let herself out and then wandered off for several hours before finally returning, to The Cabin, at 2:30 AM.

I was worried about her taking off, so I stayed up reading while I waited for Mama to return which in a way was a sad mistake. Because when Mama finally appeared at the front door I was so filled with joy I opened the door to let her come back inside.

Mama was so glad to be back home again she rushed inside The Cabin and then ran straight back to our bedroom and was followed by that recognizable, foul scent—Eau-de-Skunk. And before I could stop her and get her to go back outside—she jumped up on our bed and nearly bounced Tony off of the bed and then she started rolling all over the blanket trying to remove the freshly, sprayed oil of Eau-de-Skunk.

It's a long story and it is funny to me now and I know that I have blogged about it a very long time ago. Anyway, I need to finish writing this post before it turns into another book. So to put a happy spin to the end of tonight's post I hope that you will take the time to enjoy reading and watching the hilarious video of General's caught-on-camera escape. Because I promise that it will put a big smile on your face.

Y'all have a great evening and keep on laughing!

"Big As A Tool Shed!"—Part 2!

This morning, I was only able to walk four fast miles, because Tony wanted me to go with him to Bandera—to return the rented garden tiller. After Tony had unloaded the tiller, at Bandera True Value, he and I went inside the store to shop—then we turned on our cell phones and went our separate ways.

Five minutes later, while I was checking out their table cloths, "Nance," Tone said. "Come with me. I want you to introduce you to some friends of mine!" Two isles over—Tony introduced me to his friends—Max and Carol. We had a fun visit, in the fertilizer section. By the end of our visit, I invited Max and his sweet wife, to come out to see us. Tony and I then went our separate ways, again! I went looking for an outdoor stove top—like Carol's.

As I was scanning the room, I asked a friendly clerk, Peggy, if she had any vinyl oilcloth tablecloths. Two minutes later, I had a red-checkered tablecloth for my new outdoor dinner table—then I ran into Max! He and I visited some more and then T. and Carol showed up—they had been looking for us. "Why didn't you call me, Tone?"

"My phone is dead. It needs recharging." The four of us then visited some more, for several minutes. I really liked this couple. As soon as they were gone, I found this really cool two burner, gas, cast-iron grill, so I bought it!

It was twelve-fifteen, Tony was hungry, so we went to Brick's for lunch. As we were eating our delicious meal, someone puts their hand on my shoulder, and says, "Big as a tool shed!" I was startled, and looked to see who was talking to me. It was our dear friend, Garnet! "Nancy, Sandy and I read your blog everyday. You really have lost a lot of weight, and you look great...!" We had a fun visit with her, then she went back to her table. Tony and I waved at her husband, Sandy.

When we returned to the rescue ranch, Tony went to check on his garden, while I went into Outer Space and tried to assemble my new two-burner, outdoor cooker, and it wasn't easy! I had a very hard time tightening up the screws—the legs and burners were real wobbly! When T. returned from his gardening, I said, "Tony, can you please help me? I have it nearly put together, but I need your help tightening up these screws."

Tony went into Outer Space, looked at the directions, then the box, "Nance, you have mounted it backwards. Give me the screwdriver."

I did as I was told, and then watched Tony completely disassemble my hard work. Fifteen minutes later, Tony began reassembling the 'Made In China' cast-iron grill. After he had put it together right—I was somewhat disappointed.

I realized that it would drip grease onto the table, because it had no pan to catch the drippings. I guess that I will have to return it. I hate returning anything, but it was not what I thought it was. I then went inside. Kinky called and invited T. and me to come over for a visit, and to shoot some pool.

Tony was tired, so I went over to see Kinky. He and I had a great visit in the kitchen, then we went outside, so Kinky could play ball with Gooie. Mr. Magoo loved it! We then came back inside the Lodge, and shot a game of pool. The Hummingbird Man-1, Cousin Nancy—Zip! After losing—Buttermilk returned me to the rescue ranch.

I started a load of clothes in the washing machine, then I went out to the backyard to give Mama, my seven-year old, rescued Great Pyrenees—her summer clip. An hour later, after grooming Mama, I came back inside—covered head to toe, in long, white dog hair!

So, I pulled Hazel out of the closet, and began vacuuming Mama's hair off of me. Tony then enters 'the big room,' "Nancy you've got dog hair all over you! Does Mama have any hair left?"

"I know," I said. "And yes she does," as I ran the upholstery brush up and down my Levi's. Tone laughed. and then helped me get the rest of her hair off of me.

I'm fixin' to go online, to find Carol's Brinkman outdoor cooker. Y'all have a great evening!