Diggin' Up Cones!

I have just turned on my salt lamp and my iPod. Steven Stills is singing “Everybody’s Talking At Me.” How Perfect!

This morning, my alarm clock woke me up at 6:30, so I could watch Kinky on Imus and then on Fox and Friends. Kinky was great on Imus, along with Little Jewford and Washington Ratso, but he was a no show on Fox and Friends—sorta.

At 8:15, I called Kinky to find out about him being a no show, and he told me that they had been on Fox and Friends before doing Imus, and it was real early, too. I am sick that I missed the show. I guess there was a miscommunication problem between us.

Today, I called my dear friend, Nancy D. After we had caught up with each other’s news, we started talking about getting old. “Nancy, a friend sent me a funny e-mail the other day,” I said. “It was about A.A.D.D.—aged attention deficit disorder—and I have it!”

“Really?” Nancy said.

“Yes,” I said. “It’s like in the morning, I will start to wash the dishes, but when I see a cobweb, I leave the room to go get the vacuum cleaner, but then when I get to the closet, I forget why I came into the room. Then I realize that I need to make the bed and then make it. I go back into the kitchen, see the dishes in the sink, and start to wash them, again—when the phone rings. (Pretty long sentence?) I grab a dish towel, dry my hands and then take the call. While listening to someone talking at me, I see the same cobweb, and make a mental note to vacuum it away. After finishing the conversation I successfully retrieve the vacuum and return to the cobweb and removed it. Then something grabs my attention! By the end of the day, having taken care of many things—I walk into the kitchen to find the dishes still soaking in the sink!”

Nancy is laughing her head off! “I must have it, too!” We both started laughing. Then she tells me about her older brother. “He was going down the steps of his apartment, and when he got halfway down the stairs—he forgot what he was going to do. Determined to remember, he sat down on a step, and tried to remember. He decided that he would sit there until he remembered. Two hours later, his wife came home. When she saw him sitting there, she asked him why he was sitting there? He said, ‘I don’t know. I can’t remember. And, he got up and followed his wife into the house!” We broke out laughing.

“Oh yeah,” I said. “And another great thing about aging is hearing loss. Nancy, as you know, Kinky and I are both getting hard of hearing—and we have fun with it! Like the time Tony and I went to Las Vegas with Kinky—three years ago. We were in a taxi, headed back to the Flamingo, after seeing Penn & Teller’s show, and then getting to visit with them following their show. Kinky was in the front seat, riding shotgun, I was sitting behind the cab driver and Tony was sitting behind Kinky. I always like to know where people are from, so I asked the driver. What I heard was, ‘Does the Pope *** in the woods?’ I said, ‘What, does the Pope *** in the woods?” Kinky started laughing. And then Tony says, ‘I’m getting you a hearing aid for your birthday.’ And, I still don’t know where the guy was from.” Nancy and I talked a little while longer and then hung up our phones.

An hour ago, a woman called wanting to return a dog to us. She was a very nice woman and told me the reason for returning the dog, was because she is old—65 years old. I told her that I, too was old. And then I told her about Nancy’s and my conversation. She laughed a lot.

Then the conversation returns to the dog. She told me that a month after adopting our dog, she broke her hip, and had to have hip surgery, and she was then unable to take our dog on daily walks, because she was scared she might fall. The lady said our dog was great, house broken, rode in cars great, but she’s a digger and I worry about it. (I could dig that.) She said, “I own a very unusual home in Kerrville. I have owned it for over fifteen years. What makes my home so unique is—it was built over a dump. I bet that I am the only person on the planet, that has a home built over a dump.”

I started laughing! “I’m sorry for laughing,” I apologized. “My trailer sits on the old Friedman dump. When we decided to move the rescue ranch to Echo Hill Ranch, Tom, Kinky’s father, had Tony and me drive over to show us where he wanted our trailer and the rescue ranch to be— he pointed to their families' dump. And, the dump was then filled in, and that is where our trailer sits.”

“Oh, my,” she said, “we’re two of a kind.” Then we both started laughing. “Since my surgery, the dog started digging, since I can’t walk her anymore. The other day, I was outside in the yard filling the many holes, and I discovered another hole with a piece of old barb wired fencing, about six inches below the ground! Six inches! Last week, the dog dug up a tip of an orange colored road cone, and brought it to me, and two days ago, the dog dug up an old Cub Scout belt, for goodness sakes!”

The whole time that she was telling me this, I was biting my lip, trying hard not to burst out laughing! “That’s not good,” I said. “When we get a heavy rain out here, I find all kinds of new things in the yard, the following day—that have washed up. In fact, a couple of years ago, after we had flooded out here, I found half of an old, dented, rusty flashlight, and an old key ring, with ten keys on it. I told Kinky, the other day, while we were sitting in Outer Space, admiring the best view on the whole ranch, ‘One person’s trash—is another person’s treasure.’”

“What? Did you say outer space?”

“Yes. That’s the name I gave to my new screened in porch, that my brother Ronnie and nephew, Tom, built for us, back in April. He’s a homebuilder up in Austin.”

“Oh, I see. I hate to give the dog back to the rescue ranch, but I am worried that the dog might dig up something that could hurt it. I love this dog. It is a perfect dog. I am sick about doing this.”

“Please don’t feel bad about returning the dog to us. We will pick it up tomorrow. And, I promise you, that it will get adopted out really fast, because it is one of the cutest dogs, that we’ve ever had. And, thank you for giving the dog a great home.”

“Thank you, so much. One last thing. I listen to you on the Harley Show, every Thursday morning. I love Harley, and you are too funny.”

“Thank you. I love doing Harley’s show, and I love Harley! Bye.”