Adios—Huevos Rancheros!

Early this morning, I had to drive to Kerrville, to pick up Kinky, because he needed some repairs done to his car, which is known as ‘The Navigator.’ After picking him up from Mosty’s Auto Shop, he wanted to take me to breakfast. I wanted to go to The Save Inn, so he could try their delicious Sinker Omelet, but he wanted to go to his favorite breakfast place so he could eat Huevos Rancheros. We flipped a coin and he won the toss. That was a breakfast I will never eat there again.

Unlike The Save Inn, whose parking lot is always full—there was only one car parked outside the restaurant, when we pulled into the parking lot.

“Where should I park?” I teased. When we walked inside, there was a man sitting at a table for six—reading the Kerrville Daily Times.

When it was time to order, the lovely waitress, spoke broken english and had a hard time understanding our order. “We’ll have dos Huevos Rancheros—and uno to go for Antonio,” Kinky said, speaking softly and slowly. I didn’t dare add to the conversation because no one ever understands me—not even Tony.

Breakfast is served! When the young woman set our plates down, my eyes got big! You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought to myself. My two over medium eggs weren’t cooked at all, and were literally sloshing from one side of the plate to the other—covering the one strip of burnt bacon and watering down the refried beans.

With every fork that we lifted, raw egg dripped off our forks. I gave up, and wound up eating the tortilla chips, while Kinky used one of the three complimentary, flour tortillas to soak up the huevos.

When we had finished our gourmet breakfast, the waitress handed me Antonio’s styrofoam box and Kinky paid the tab. And, I had a real hard time thanking him for the meal. “Mucho Gracias, for breakfast, Kinky," I teased. "Next time we’re going to my place—The Save Inn—they know how to cook better Huevos Rancheros. Okay?”

“Let’s go to Wolfmuellers, and see Jon and Sandy,” Kinky said.

When we arrived at Sandy and Jon’s bookstore, a lively conversation commenced—with all of us taking turns making each other laugh. Then Grace Atwell, a friend to all of us, strolled into the store and the level of laughter was upped a notch!

Before Grace left the store, she purchased Kinky’s book, “The Christmas Pig,” and had him autograph it for her friend, Jennifer. After Kinky had signed away, he suggested that we all go back to Sandy and Jon’s office, and get on the internet, to watch one of the funniest youtube videos that I had shown him the day before. So, we all marched to the back of the store.

“Okay,” Sandy said. “What do I do?”

“Go to youtube. com,” I said.

“Okay, I’m there,” Sandy said. “Now what?”

“Type in Funny Anchorman,” I said.

We all huddled near the computer screen and watched this ex- anchorman explain why he got fired. The video is in a foreign language, which doesn’t matter, because what happens on his show cracks you up with laughter.

Sandy hit the start button and the five of us roared with laughter!

Following that, amazing Grace left, and then Kinky and I signed five copies of my book, bought two more of Spike Gillespie’s, “Naked Calendars” (Kinky’s picture is on the month of July, and is the funniest of all the other months.) Then we said our good byes to each other and headed over to Compton’s Air Conditioning, so Kinky could pay a bill.

When we found Compton’s, I stayed in the car, while Kinky went inside to pay his bill. A few minutes later, Kinky came to the car and asked me to come inside, so I could show them the Funny Anchorman. I went inside and within minutes everyone in the room was laughing their heads off!

When we left Compton’s parking lot, Kinky said, “Let’s go see Scott and Julia and show them the video!”

Scott and Julia Stehling are great friends of ours, and if you ever need a lawyer in Kerrville—he’s the Best! When we arrived, Kinky and I showed them the video and with the same results—we roared with laughter, and Scott told us he was going to add it to his favorites list.

Kinky got a phone call and went outside on the porch, so I visited with Julia and Scott, and then Scott gave me a grand tour of their office and his nearly completed hideaway! It was awesome! I turned a lighter shade of green, when I was out on his deck, because of envy, and because of the breakfast that I was trying to keep down, but he didn’t mention it—instead he gave me a book about one of his most famous trials called, “Gun Crazy” written by Hamilton Booker and Ann Gadds! And, Richard “Racehorse” Haynes even wrote a blurb on the back cover!

After Kinky’s ear began aching from talking so long, he ended the conversation and we headed back to the ranch. Along our journey, Kinky said, “You know Nance, I’ll bet that Sage and Dylan, Copper and Max would enjoy that video. I’m going to call them as soon as we get back.”

I hope all of you will check out that video. I am now making a point to watch it, when I first get up in the morning—because I think laughter is the best way to start my days—and we all need to laugh more!

After we had returned to the ranch, I dropped Kinky off at the Lodge, and then came home to check my e-mails. This one made me laugh and I want to share a part of it with you. Enjoy!

My good friend wrote:
Hi Nancy---

I've been on this weekend, but the natives have not been restless, and I've been able to catch up. You can actually see wood on my desk! Between your e-mails and your blog, I've got 3---count 'em---3 items to share.

1) Fear Factor (uncomfortably well-named). Thanks for the "reassurance" about the fire ants, scorpions, and wasps. Especially since I didn't even know about them. Weren't there 10 plagues in Exodus? Something like frogs, flies, and hail? CHILD'S PLAY compared to rattlesnakes, rabid porcupines, and wild hogs! But I have taken your advice to heart. I will face my fears, and I will "start packin' "---as soon as I can find that Orvis catalogue with the thigh-high boots!

My reply:
You are a great writer and very funny, in fact, I am sitting here laughing as I type. I am glad to know that you have a wooden desk and you can now see it—congrats! I am also pleased that you enjoyed reading my blog— 'Fear Factor,' and that you have decided to start packin'. I’m proud of you! And by the way, thigh high boots are really popular out here! Tony has some, and he is real proud of them. He got his on sale at Wal-Mart, and they haven't fallen apart yet! Keep your fingers crossed!

P.S. I tried to buy some of those boots for myself, but I couldn’t get them up past my knees—because I am weight-loss challenged! If you find any pink ones, that are expandable with elastic in them, please let me know!


My good friend wrote:
2) Your book. Just finished it this morning. I had to force myself to put it down every morning, or I'd be late for work. I was delighted to see that you like wine, but I have concluded that compared to you and Tony, I'm leading a very dull---but safe!---life up here in suburbia. Spouse's leg turning BLACK, and vicious deer going through puberty! Believe me, I'm fighting that Fear Factor!

My reply:
I am glad you made it through my book, and I am prepared to write an ‘excuse letter’ for you—if your patients request it. And yes, I love pink wine (Strawberry Hill—with a twisted orange slice.) Ben, who works out here part time, took some wine classes, a few years back, and one time when he and I were talking about wine, he corrected me when I mispronounced Merlot as: Merr- Lot (as in thanks a lot!) and that is why—I nearly flunked French in high school! My teacher, Mrs. French (no kidding, that was her real name) told me that she would pass me, and give me a ‘D’ (for dumb instead of an 'F' for fool) because she knew, I had studied hard and truly tried, but because of my thick Texas accent— she made me promise to never go to France, and I promised not to, and I’ve never gone over there!

My good friend wrote:
3) Your Boston Terriers. I don't know if I mentioned it on the phone that time, but our fifth dog is also a Boston Terrier, named Reuben (after my father). He never made it to my website because we just got him in September and he'll be in our Holiday Card. Karen will enjoy telling you the circumstances. (Not to brag, by the way, but Reuben is not as flatulent as was Yoda!)

The youtube link, Funny Anchorman. Thanks for passing that on, and I will click on it later tonight.

In vino, veritas!
Your friend

My reply:
That is so cool that y'all have a Boston Terrier, and I think Reuben is a great name for him, too. I can't wait to get y’all’s holiday card! And, as far as gaseous omissions, give the little guy some time and a lot of space. And, I recommend using Airwick—or wearing heavy perfume at all times.
You will love the video!

In wino, margaritas!
cousin nancy

And now, after writing this (h)uge blog, I must go return a few phone calls, but before signing off for tonight, I want to do a shout-out to my friend, Lori, over at the famous Cowboy Steak House. I enjoyed seeing you at the grocery store today, and please come out and bring The Nomads—for a visit! We love y’all!