Saturday, April 10, 2010

Coming Right Up!

This morning after walking six miles inside, I went outside to find a weed eater. When I reached the barn Tony was inside Hank's and Blue Bell's pen picking up poop, "Tone, I'm going to weed eat our front yard. Will you help me start the weed eater?"

Five minutes later my blue coveralls and glasses were covered in grass, and I was wildly whacking away in the front yard. When I had nearly a third of the yard flattened I looked up and saw Ellen Jackson and Eileen Gootke returning Kirby and Lulu to my writing cabin's front yard, so I turned off the weed-be-gone- machine and went to visit with them.

They teased me about "being in England" while I cleaned off my bifocals. "How is Sandy doing?" I asked.

"Sandy has a new name," Ellen said. "It's in keeping with you naming dogs after famous people. His new name is Jermaine Jackson. June thought of it, and we both agreed that Jermaine is the one famous Jackson that didn't do drugs, have plastic surgery, or have wardrobe malfunctions. In short, he's probably a pretty good person. Jermaine still doesn't know his name, so if a better name is offered, it will be no big deal to change it. Twinky has tried to get him to play a couple of times, but he is not ready for that. He follows her lead when they go out to do their business, so maybe play will happen soon."

"That is fantastic news!" I said. "Kinky, Tony and I cannot thank you enough for giving him a try..."

"Jermaine is a great dog and he does not want to come back to the rescue ranch. Everyday he just keeps getting better and better. He's mine." Then we talked about my new book while she and Eileen gave treats to Kirby and Lulu.

"I want to buy one," Eileen said. And then Ellen told me that she wanted to buy three copies! Yeah, I thought—four copies already pre-sold before I even have them! Then we started walking towards Dusty's pen so Ellen could walk her and Eileen could walk Jill and Scooby Doo together.

"Eileen, thanks so much for telling Tony about that photo contest," I said. "Tony entered that woman's contest. What is the name of her blog?"

"Pioneer Woman," Eileen said. "She's in Oklahoma and the name of her blog is:"

"Well, I've never been to England, but I've been to Oklahoma..." I joked. While Ellen leashed up Dusty for her walk our conversation turned to the healing attributes of magnets. Then Ellen told us a funny story about her two magnets. "I bought a little magnet and a big one to see if they would help my backache. The little one which was about the size of the tip of my little finger cost me $9.00."

"Did they help?" I asked.

"I don't know?" Ellen said. "Before going to bed I taped the little one on my lower part of my back and when I got up the next morning it was gone." Eileen and I started laughing. "I think it fell off into my pajamas and I must have accidentally flushed it away." We all started laughing. "So I taped the larger magnet to my back and the next morning it was gone too. When I went to the brush my teeth I found it lodged in the toilet. I guess it was too big to be flushed so I fished it out and sterilized it and stuckt it on my refrigerator door. All I know is that my septic tank is in full alignment." Then somehow we started talking about Margaritas.

Eileen told us that she preferred Margaritas to wine because of a bad experience she had when she was young. "I've never had a margarita," I said, "because when I was about nineteen or twenty years old and living in Crested Butte, Colorado I swore off tequilla. It was winter, in the middle of ski season and every bar in town was celebrating John Wayne's birthday and giving away free shots of tequilla so I asked for a shot even though I knew nothing about tequilla. I put salt on my hand, licked it, threw down the tequilla and then bit into a slice of lime. Well, like a fool I ordered another free shot followed by several more then I went into the restroom. Things started spinning and I threw up. I was sicker than a dog and went home and that's when I swore off tequilla."

"Unfortunately, the next morning I had to go to work. I was a waitress at the Wooden Nickel and I was still sick from all of that tequilla. I waited on this family that was all dressed up in their expensive sweaters and ski outfits. After the man ordered his omelet with bacon he asked me for a warm bowl of chili and I immediately threw up on him! I felt so bad. I apologized and then ran to the bathroom. Fortunately my bosses: Uncle Gene, Rick and Eileen didn't fire me. They just told me to come back when I felt better. After the laughter was over I said, "I guess I should have told the man, "Coming right up!" The three of us visited a little while longer and then they took off with the dogs and I returned to the trailer so I could do some more weed whacking, but unfortunately I could not get it started after several attempts and since T. was nowhere to be found I came inside and started cooking our lunch.

Y'all have a great evening!

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