Well I am finally podcasting, again! And in this episode 25 that I have transcribed for you if you don't want to listen to my voice I explain why the long lapse of time since doing my last podcast in March with our good friends Roxanne & Lyle. But if you would prefer to listen to this 15 minute podcast please click on The Cousin Nancy Show on the side bar or you can listen to it here.
When you get to my podcast all you have to do is pick a way to listen to it and you can listen to it now by clicking here.
Howdy Folks, this is Cousin Nancy and thank you for listening to the Cousin Nancy Show.
Before we get started I need to explain the long lapse of time since doing my last podcast. And I want to get it off of my chest, so I will try to keep it short and put it on a bumper sticker if possible. So here goes:
Last year while I was watching Super Bowl, a little voice inside my head told me to touch my left breast, and since this has never happened to me before, I touched it and I felt a lump and it scared the heck out of me.
But thanks to a couple of dear friends I found a fabulous doctor later on that week. And after the doctor had checked me out he told me he was concerned about the lump and he scheduled me to get a blood test, a mammogram and then a biopsy.
Thankfully, I did pass that horrible blood test with flying colors, but it left me bruised in four different places, because that inexperienced young man obviously did not know how to draw blood or a cartoon.
A week later came the crushing mammogram and that hurt even more than my four stab wounds that I had received from the blood test guy.
The following week they did the biopsy. And by now my nerves were completely frazzled.
Bottom line: I was then sent to see a general surgeon and I liked him, even though he wanted to give me a lumpectomy as soon as possible.
Luckily, my dear friend told me to talk to her sweet sister-in-law who had a lumpectomy, years ago, and she was great and she calmed me down, because she answered all of my questions concerning the surgery, etc.
On the morning of the surgery, April 5th around 4:45 in the morning, Tony woke me up. And before I climbed out of bed I threw it out to The Universe to please give me a sign if I should get the lumpectomy or cancel the surgery.
My first sign was immediate, because we were having a severe thunderstorm with heavy rain pounding our metal roof so loudly it made our dog Henry crawl underneath the bed.
The second sign was when I turned on the bedroom light and saw that my cherished alien-attracting-helmet had fallen off of the head post and it was on the floor, next to the bed. And in five years, ever since I made that thing this has never happened before. (And you can see my silver alien-attracting-helmet on the side bar, with me wearing it, standing next to my VW alien mural.
My third sign was when we drove to the hospital, in dangerous pouring rain, with lightning striking all around us.
The fourth sign was right after I had pre-registered, at the nurses station, I told Tony I was going to the bathroom. And the minute that I stepped out of the waiting area into the hallway— all of the lights went out in the entire hospital which really scared me until seconds later when the hospital generators kicked-in. I guess the hospital had been hit by lightning. Anyway by now I was seriously thinking that maybe I should reschedule the surgery or just simply forget about it all together and just go home.
A little while later this nice nurse took us to my tiny room and had me change into a faded, unisex gown and then I was quickly whisked away, in a wheelchair, to another room down the hallway, so they could start prepping me for my upcoming surgery.
And by now I was a nervous wreck until the nurse gave me a small paper cup filled to the brim with this dark green medicine to drink. And it looked like and it tasted like Vicks NyQuil.
Anyway a few minutes later after the nurses had returned me to my private room, the drugs were definitely kicking-in. I was suddenly relaxed and smiling. And while I talked to Tony, we happily watched one person after another, on gurneys, being wheeled down the hallway to go get their surgeries.
Okay now. Picture this. There I was on this bed with wheels, sitting on these paper thin, sheets of paper and I was obviously in some kind of La-La-Land, watching all of these people on gurneys go by, when I turned my attention to the country music that was playing loudly, throughout that hospital wing. And that is when I received my fifth and final sign—that definitely told me not to have the surgery.
Then seconds later, this kind nurse walked into the room to check on me and to offer me another warm blanket.
And as she was putting that blanket over me, I casually said to her, “That is one horrible song for people to have to listen to before they go into surgery.” And the nurse paused a moment to listen to the music, and then she said, “Oh my god!” As she rushed out of the room, into the hallway, and softly hollered, “Turn that music off now! Turn it off!”
And within seconds the music had stopped, and you could hear the sound of silence throughout that hospital, except for a few nurses giggling, at the nurse’s station.
And when that same nurse returned to my room, I jokingly said, “Now don’t get me wrong. I love Garth Brooks and his music, but listening to him singing that beautiful song, The Last Dance, before going under the knife is just a little too much.” Then the nurse, Tony and I began to chuckle about it.
But I guess the last laugh was on me, because about ten minutes later, before going into surgery the anesthetist came into my room to hook me up to an IV and before he left the room he asked me to please remove my dentures, because he was afraid during the surgery that they might get damaged.
So a few minutes later, there I was toothless and being wheeled down the hallway, into surgery. And that is all that I can remember. Thank goodness.
Less than an hour later, I woke up in my room with Tony standing beside my bed. And as I was putting my clothes back on my surgeon poked his head into my room and gave me a thumbs up, and he said, “I got it all! I will see you in a week.”Then I covered my mouth and I thanked him.
Before being wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair, I put on one of my old, gently used, blue, Covid-19 mask to hide the fact that I wasn’t wearing my dentures.
After we got into the truck Tony and I went to Walgreens to fill my prescriptions and we were told it would take an hour, because the pharmacist was out to lunch. And because Tony was starving I suggested that we go to Sonic to grab a hamburger, while we waited for my meds.
After Tony ate his burger with Tater-Tots and I had gummed my cheeseburger down we went and picked up my prescriptions.
When we were leaving town and were stopped at the last signal light, our pickup made this horrible sound and the check engine light came on immediately. So when the traffic light turned green Tony drove us across the intersection into a small convenience store’s parking lot, that was less than 100 feet away.
The bottom line is a tow truck picked up our truck and our dear friend Sandy rescued us and drove us home.
One week later, I went to see the surgeon and he told me that everything looked good and was healing great and then he suggested that I take a month off to rest and to heal. And to say the least I liked his plan.
During that month, a dear friend had suggested that I watch this 9 hour documentary, The Truth About Cancer by Ty Bollinger. And so I did.
Every day I would watch at least one, one-hour episode of The Truth About Cancer and I am so glad that I did, because I discovered that there are so many alternative ways of fighting cancer.
Anyway a month later, we went and saw my surgeon, again and he showed us the after surgery reports that showed that he did get all of the cancer, because the lymph node that he took out and the marginal area that had surrounded my lump that he had removed—were clean, non-malignant and were cancer free, too.
Even though my prognosis was good the surgeon did recommend that I set up an appointment with an oncologists, but I chose not to, because I knew I was cancer-free and I did not want chemo or radiation to destroy my immune system. And that is the main reason why I have not done a podcast for so long. And also because Tony and I were both working part-time jobs.
But please note that I am not giving advice to anyone dealing with Cancer. The choices that I made worked for me, but I do highly recommend to anyone fighting cancer to watch this eye-opening documentary about cancer, because if nothing else it will give you more insight about alternative treatments and having hope for a cure, because in many cases now days cancer is no longer a death sentence.
Now that I have gotten that out of the way or better said "Gotten that off of my chest" it is time for a Cousin Boomer update:
Last week Boomer came over for happy hour and while we were visiting with him he told us about his 2024 New Year’s resolution.
Boomer told us that he is planning to go to Paris, Texas, so he can take selfies of himself standing in front of the Eiffel Tower—which has this giant, shiny, cherry-red cowboy hat on top of the tower.
And he also plans to go to that famous, historic Evergreen Cemetery, in Paris, so he can get a selfie of himself standing by the 12 foot monument of Jesus in cowboy boots.
When Tony asked Boomer why he wanted to do that Boomer replied, “Because it’s near the top of my bucket-list and they are both free to the public.”
So while we were sipping our beers I told my cousin that I had just decided to write another mystery novel. And Cousin Boomer asked me if he could please be a character in it and I told him he could, because he told me that being a character in one of my books has always been on his bucket-list, even though he told me that it is near the bottom of his bucket-list, since I wrote my first book. And I think that was a compliment, but I am still not sure about that.
Anyway, since then all I’ve got for a plot is Cousin Boomer, who we all know is a traveling salesman, in real life, checks into the cheapest, most run-down, motel he can find, in Paris, Texas.
And after he has quickly checked into his room and has unloaded his suitcase—he jumps into his pickup truck, so he can go take selfies by Paris’ two, free, most famous, popular, tourist attractions.
And I’m thinking in the second chapter I’ll write something like this:
“Later that night, after Boomer has returned back to his motel room—he takes a hot shower. And when he comes out of the bathroom, he receives a note pushed from under the door, and he is even more intrigued, because it’s the closet door.
And the note’s three handwritten words were, “Remember the Alamo.”
And that is all that I’ve written so far, folks.
Okay. Now it is Joke Time and here we go.
Do you know that it’s a fact that life isn’t a fairy tale. For example, if you loose your shoe at midnight—you’re drunk.
Okay, here’s one about addiction:
I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey—But I turned myself around.
And I like this one, too. Why do we call them olives and not—Greece’s Pieces?
And lastly, what do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Well, folks that’s about it for this podcast. And I do promise to get back-in-the saddle-again and start podcasting on a regular basis. Some of my podcasts will still be about an hour long, but most of them will be much shorter—just so I can tell you a few jokes and to hopefully make you laugh out loud, because it is a fact, that laughter is the best medicine.
FYI: On February 9th, I want to give y’all a head’s up about an upcoming podcast, because I will be doing a super-fun podcast with my dear friends Eileen and her sister Dean with a live audience, in the Last Resort studio. And y’all will be in for a real treat listening to some of their hilarious tales. So please remember to mark your calendars.
Lastly, before I go I do want you to know that I love and am dedicating this podcast to some very special people in my life: Tony, Cindy, Ronnie & Nita, Eileen, Sandy, Jean, Steve, Andy, Sue, Lyle & Roxanne, Dylan, Lloyd, Clive & Curtis, Cindy P., Gerry, Angel, Debbie and Mack, and Fourth and to the finest nurses and the best doctors, in central Texas.
And that is about it for now. Thank y’all for listening. Y’all take care and keep on laughing. And please always remember my favorite quote that I came up with: “Life is short and so am I!” I love y’all.
