Cut A Buff!

This morning at ten o'clock, after putting Lisa and Matt in charge of the rescue ranch, Tony and I took off in Buttermilk and headed for the San Antonio International Airport so we could pick up our dear friend Carol. I know that going to the airport in a big city is no big deal for most people but for me it is because the traffic in San Antone scares me because I am not used to it.

So by the time Tony and I pulled into Medina, just nine and a half miles away from the ranch, I started getting nervous thinking about the congested high-speed freeways with people texting while weaving in and out of traffic, but I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything about it to Tone.

By the time we reached Bandera and were slowly moving through the town my mind started racing with thoughts of being on the nightly news tonight with a newscaster saying, "This morning a cute dressed-alike, elderly couple from Medina was on their way to the airport when..."

"Nance, are you okay?" Tony asked as he turned onto Highway 16 headed for Pipe Creek.

"Tone, the speed limit is thirty-five not forty. I'm okay just feeling a little nervous," I said as T. slowed Buttermilk down to a fast trot. After we passed the Dairy Queen I took Garmina, our GPS out of the glove box and turned it on and punched in San Antonio International Airport. Then Garmina said, "Go thirty miles and take a left on 1604."

"Nance, please don't worry. I promise I will drive safely and we've got Garmina to help us find the airport this time." As the signal light above us changed from yellow to red Buttermilk cantered through Pipe Creek.

"T. please slow down. We left an hour early so we wouldn't be in a hurry. Garmina says that our arrival time is eleven thirty-five and Carol's plane is scheduled to land at twelve forty.

By the time we reached Helotes the traffic had gotten a lot more heavier. While we were stopped at a signal light I saw a woman talking on her cell phone in the car beside me. Then Garmina says, "In three miles take a left onto 1604." After she said that I pulled my aspirin bottle out of my purse and chewed and swallowed a little pink pill so I wouldn't have a heart attack.

The rest of the way to the airport was hectic to say the least. Garmina was talking so much I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

When we finally arrived at the airport at eleven thirty-six I turned Garmina off and put her back into the glovebox because she was wrong about our arrival time by one minute. And that's when Tone and I turned into a low-budget Texas version of Jed Clampett and Granny. T. played Buddy Ebsen's part and I played Irene Ryan's character. And we were at the airport to fetch Elly May (Carol) and take her home.

The first stupid thing that we did was missing the turn off where we were supposed to go park—three times. We had to circle around the airport three times before we finally figured out which ramp we were supposed to take to park Buttermilk.

After Tone parked Buttermilk and turned off the ignition we tried to laugh but couldn't. After two minutes of sitting in the cold-dark covered short-term parking lot we decided to get out and go inside the terminal so we could find where Southwest Airlines was. And that was the second stupid thing we did because we got lost.

When we finally found Southwest Airlines ticket counter we didn't know if that was where we should meet  Elly May or should we go downstairs and meet her by the baggage claim area. "Elly May said that she would meet us outside because she didn't have any baggage to collect, Jed. I think you should stay upstairs at the Southwest ticket counter and I will stay down here by the baggage claim. What do you think?"

"I need to go to the bathroom, Granny. I wonder where it is." Then a goofy middle-aged man in a suit walks past us holding up a piece of typing paper with a big yellow triangle on it—to warn everyone that we were under a level three attack alert. That's good news to know since I was under a level three anxiety-attack alert.

After he passed by us I whispered, "That guy needs to take an entry level course at Walmart's Greeter School and learn how to smile. I wonder what his salary is?" As we searched for the bathrooms armed guards were walking around and basically putting off more bad vibes. Then we found the restrooms! And that is when I made my third stupid mistake.

After T. went into the restroom to rest I walked down the hallway and saw a sign with a symbol of a woman wearing a dress holding hands with a really short person who was also holding the hand of a man symbol. I've never seen a sign like that so I opened the door and went inside and locked the door.

As I rested on the one commode in the big room I realized the private restroom was meant for a family to use. Then I got paranoid about the possibility of being arrested for resting in the wrong restroom so I got out of there really fast right after the automatic toilet had finished flushing!

When I met up with T. who looked a little flushed, we decided to go back outside to sit on a bench because the terminal was filled with a lot of terminally creepy, unfriendly people. "Tone, I think I should go upstairs and wait for Elly May and you should go inside and wait for Elly May..."

"Nance, no. We are not going to do that because you will get lost and I don't want my name announced on the intercom telling me to go to the lost and found. No, that's a really bad idea."

"We've got our cell phones." Tony started laughing and then I started laughing. Then we went over to the airport information booth and a pleasant woman told us where to go.

Five minutes later as we were standing by the entrance that all flight passengers have to go through after getting off of a plane. Then Tone's cell phone rang—it was Elly May! Two minutes later we were hugging Elly May and then we laughed all of the way back to Buttermilk as we talked about our trip to the airport and how much fun she had had in Arizona with James and their horses, Maya and Chance.

Carol is so sweet. Knowing how scared I am of driving in San Antonio traffic she kept me laughing as she guided Tony out of Alamoville. By the time we reached Helotes to eat lunch I was relaxed and stress-free.

Our lunch was so much fun and filled with laughter and our meals weren't bad either. And Carol paid for our lunch. Thank you, Carol!

Carol and I talked nonstop on the way home and Tony teased us about it. She told us about her fun trip and I cannot wait to watch the videos that James took of her and Maya learning how to "cut a buff" out of a herd of buffalo.

Tonight's blog is fast turning into a book so I am going to cut it short. Carol, today I had so much fun with you it was worth going to the airport. And thank you for lunch. And a big thank you goes out to Lisa and Matt who came back after lunch and baby-sat the rescue ranch for us. I love y'all!

Y'all have a great evening!