Pigg, Wilber AKA
Beckham
Sunday, August 24, 2014,
Wilber Pigg passed on the land of no sorrows. It must be noted, though, that if
Mr. Pigg ever had any sorrows, he never showed them to anyone. Wilber, who
admittedly, was getting pretty long in the tusk, was spry till the last of his
days. He could sprint across his pen as quickly as when he was but a wee wiener
whenever he heard slop being dumped into his trough. Ever the fleet of foot,
small cartoon like clouds of dust would be propelled through his cloven hooves
to enable his timely arrival in front of his ten gallon custom designed and
manufactured aluminum dining dish. He had the dish created to enable the full
piquant of any morsel to rise and surround his finely tuned taste buds and
olfactory receptors. This facilitated full concentration and enjoyment of any
tasty slop that came his way.
Known in so many circles as
an ever demanding gourmand, he could find delight in a simple mush, be it
accompanied by a fifty-eight degree, gently poured full bodied cabernet or a
tepid two liter jug of Big Red sloshed in with little grace. His culinary
genius for pairings knew no bounds and many was the time when guests would
stand in awe and amazement as he skillfully tossed out the errant mushroom or
potato slice that did not measure up to the perfection that all finely prepared
slop should aspire to achieve. While chocolate chip cookies accompanied by
robust ales and stouts were his afternoon favorites, he was occasionally observed
enjoying an India Pale Ale in their stead; although he was not especially a fan
of the overly citrus bite from any hops not hauled to the brewery in oaken
wagon beds.
Interviewed many times by
bloggers from all over the world, they trekked with abandon to the nirvana that
was his sty. He welcomed many queries on many topics but it always came back to
food and his extensive knowledge of that subject. Ever humble, he quickly
dismissed any similarities of greatness between himself and Mr. Creosote. His most
famous quote concerning this subject was noted in a Swiss blog.
“Yes, yes,” Wilber chuckled,
“I am quite familiar with Mr. Creosote’s body of work and the vast
contributions he made to the world of fine dining. He was truly an artist, much
the same as John Belushi. As it was said about Mr. Belushi after his untimely
passing, “who can say what might be the limits of genius?” Seemingly Mr.
Creosote did step over that line by accepting “just one thin wafer” but did he
really? I prefer to feel his was a life of sacrifice that opened the doors for
culinary disciples such as me.”
To limit the life of Wilber
Pigg to simply the food-stuffs world would be a tragedy. He was so much more.
He was a friend to all that needed a friend. He always had a gentle welcoming
grunt to each visitor. He was especially close to a married business woman in
his community and though some local scallywags hinted at more, he insisted it
was strictly platonic. He was on excellent terms with her husband and any late
evening pen meetings between he and her were quite honorable.
Though initially brought into
a Jewish home he lived with Gentiles for the majority of his life. His own
faith he discussed rarely, though it was rumored he had a fascination with
Viking beliefs and rituals. It is said he was observed once, in the shadowy
glow of an October full moon, standing on his rear trotters, Viking helmet on
head, breastplate on chest and spear in hoof oinking out a modified chorus of a
melody composed of Wagner’s Ring Circle and Strauss II’s Der Fledermaus. This
is just rumor and while there were hidden cameras filming his rendition, in an
odd twist, the developed negatives have never been located.
He was interred in a private
ceremony at an undisclosed location in his much beloved Texas Hill Country
where he resided. In lieu of flowers Wilber requested contributions be made to
the Spam Museum in Austin, Minnesota. When asked about this unusual requested
he stated simply, “I may be a porcine, I may have been raised in a Jewish home
for a time and I know that it seems odd but I just love that wonderful pink
chicken.”
After reading the obituary, I sent this e-mail to David and Desiree:
"Hi Desiree and David. Tony
and I loved reading our friend's obit, even though Beckham/Wilber has passed
away and gone to the "All You Can Eat Buffet In The Sky." His obit made
us laugh out loud several times and I think Beck/Wil would have wanted it that way, too. Thank y'all for taking him in and giving him a
wonderful life filled with love and food or should I say, "filled with
FOOD and love." We loved Beckham and Kinky, Tony and I cannot thank y'all
enough for adopting him and feeding him so well.
In my heart, Beckham will
always be the coolest pig (Wild Hog) that I've ever known. "Rest In Peace
Beck and may the "god of pigs" feed you as good as Desiree and David did, at their
Trails End Guest House, in Kerrville.
With Love,
Nancy
P.S. Tony and Kinky send
y'all their best."
Y'all have a great evening!
2 comments:
" It is said he was observed once, in the shadowy glow of an October full moon, standing on his rear trotters, Viking helmet on head, breastplate on chest and spear in hoof oinking out a modified chorus of a melody composed of Wagner’s Ring Circle and Strauss II’s Der Fledermaus." Genius. Absolute genius!
Godspeed, Beckham/Wilber! You were a fine pig and will be long remembered!
Fay
Fay, I totally agree with you—pure genius.
Post a Comment