It's Not Funny, Tone!

This morning, while walking six fast miles, I had a light bulb moment, I think? During the fifth mile, as I was speed walking circles around the big room, I glanced at the painting on the wall, that I had paid Liz Cravotta to do for me, several years ago. It was for a book jacket, for a book that I had written several years ago, titled, Home of The Fightin' Watermelons! Here is Liz's beautiful artwork! Unfortunately, my camera doesn't do it justice.

It was the first novel that I had written, about a woman my age, winning the biggest lottery jackpot in Texas, and not to brag, I think it is pretty funny. Of course, it is fiction, and I loved writing it! In my book, after winning the jackpot, I buy a huge ranch in North Texas...

My good friend, Bill Hageman, of the Chicago Tribune, wrote this funny blurb for the back of the jacket, and I have his letter framed, and hanging on our bathroom wall, right above the sink, because it always makes me smile. This is what Bill wrote:

"In "Home of the Fightin' Watermelons," Nancy Parker-Simons has populated Wayis, Texas, with the quirkiest bunch of characters this side of, well, Flour Bluff Junction at least. Throw in flatulent dogs, the world's largest fake baked potato, an attack rooster, and a little mysterious gunplay, and you—along with the good folks of Wayis—are in for some adventures down on the ranch. So pull up a comfortable chair, grab a cold Lone Star or two and enjoy."

That was my very first blurb for a book, and Bill wrote it on September 26, 2002! I can't believe it has been that long ago. I had friends help me edit the book, and hopefully tomorrow, I am going to reread it, and then ask my friend, Sheryl Eddins to edit it for me, one last time, before I self publish it. I am excited about it, and think its time has come! So, please wish me luck with it. So, I will have two books coming out at the same time. One fiction and one not.

Today Tone took me to lunch at Chinatown. Our meals were delicious. I read my fortune cookie, with my new bifocals. This is what it said, "Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such." Words to live by, I thought.

This afternoon I decided to work on the Space Ship, while wearing my new glasses, with hopes that my eyes would adjust to using the bifocals. I decided to build a breakfast nook. After Tony had set up my work station for me, I began measuring and chopping boards, while my iPod blasted out my favorite music in the background. I was having fun!

After the boards were chopped, the fun part began! I grabbed my 'nail gun for girls,' as T. likes to call it, and began building the nook! An hour later, it was built! But I wanted to reinforce it with screws, so I grabbed the 'screw gun for men,' because it weighs a ton, and went to work driving in screws! When I was nearly finished with my do it yourself project, while Steely Dan was singing, Hey Nineteen, I accidentally drove a screw into my index finger, because of my bifocals!

I don't do blood real well, so as I watched it pouring out of my finger, I sat down on the floor, in case I fainted. Then the pain set in. I needed Tony, but he was inside the trailer working on his virtual farm. I think he needed to do some plowing or planting.

After wiping the blood off on my jeans, I climbed out of the Space Ship, picked up a rock and threw it at the lower part of the trailer. Ten seconds later, T. came outside to check on me. "What's wrong, Nance?" Tony asked. I held up my finger covered in blood.

"I screwed myself," I said. Tone ran back to the trailer!

A couple of seconds later, as he was pouring hydrogen peroxide on my finger, that hurt like you know what, he said, "You're gonna be fine, Nance." Then he put neosporin on the wound, which caused me more pain, and then he wrapped my finger in a big Band-aid. "How'd this happen?"

"It happened because of those stupid bifocals, and that fortune cookie about vision, Tone. My vision was screwed up when I screwed myself." I said. "It wouldn't of happened if I had been wearing my cheaters, and we hadn't gone out to eat Chinese! We should have gone to the Save Inn." Tony started laughing at me. "It's not funny, Tone!"

"Yes it is! You're fine, Nance, and you're not going to die."

"Well, I hope that you're happy, because I am not going to be able to play my guitar now, for at least a month. And, I was planning on playing it with Rick, when we go down there. What do you think of my breakfast nook?"

"I like it," T. said, as he helped me put up the tools. "Nance, what you did to your finger is called redneck body piercing!" Then he burst out laughing and so did I, even though my finger was throbbing!

Tonight I wrote this blog using my cheaters. And, Kinky will be back at the ranch tomorrow!

Y'all have a great evening!