Episode 30: The Jerk!

Please note that I am dedicating this 6.5 minute podcast to my dear friends Clive & Curtis, in the beautiful Texas Hill Country. And I hope that it makes them and you laugh out loud. And if you want to listen to this podcast please click here on: The Cousin Nancy Show or click on the The Cousin Nancy Show on the right side bar 👉

Now I am going to tell you a funny, true story about the non-profit Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch that Tony & I and our dear friend Kinky Friedman co-founded in 1997 and operated until we decided to retire and shut its doors in 2018. 

Back in 2007, on a beautiful spring morning, a church group of about twenty young children, along with a few adults, came out to the rescue ranch to let the kids do community service for us for a couple of hours. But because the children were so young, we decided the safest thing for them to do, was to let them remove the rocks from our huge pigpen. 

The kids instantly fell in love with our rescued pigs. And they were disappointed when their work was completed, and it was time for them to leave our rescue ranch. In fact, one of them even started crying and begged to live at the rescue ranch and I guess live with the pigs.

Anyway while the parents were loading up the children into their vans, trucks and cars, one cute little seven-year-old girl pointed over to our pigpen and screamed, “Look at that pig! What is he doing?”

Everyone looked back toward the pigpen and then gasped at what they saw! The children were laughing and screaming with delight, but the parents were more than mortified!

Apparently after we had left the pigpen, a three-hundred-pound black-and-white-spotted wild hog had wandered up to the pig pen, because of Alice, one of our new sows that was in heat. 

And this wild hog was outside of the pigpen, standing up on his hind legs, leaning on the fence trying to get Alice’s attention! From where we stood, it looked like male wild hog was doing that popular Sixties dance—the “Jerk!"

As Tony took off to run the “lovesick” hog off, I was thinking fast! I told the smiling children, “Oh, he’s just dancing. That’s our neighbor’s dancing hog. He loves to dance.”

With the children inside the vehicles, laughing hysterically at the "dancing" wild hog, the parents quickly thanked me, jumped into their vehicles and quickly sped away! 

That wild hog made several more visits to our pigpen during that week, and he did do a lot of dancing, so to speak. And fortunately for us, Alice didn’t feel like dancing with him and we got her spayed soon after that. But unfortunately for us, that nice church group of kids never returned to the rescue ranch to do volunteer work.

Now it is My Thought For Today Time!

And it is ten simple words to live by—Always forgive your enemies, because it messes with their heads.

Now it is Make Me Laugh Time!

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have? Big hands.

Now here are a couple of bar jokes for you:

What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Ouch!

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A few days ago I was watching some Johnny Carson Show reruns.

In fact, I watched an hilarious episode where Johnny interviewed the late great Robin Williams.

And to say the least I loved Robin Williams and his humor. He was absolutely brilliant. 

So I am going to try to tell you one of my favorite jokes that he told Carson on that episode.

Robin Williams was wearing a straight face when he looked at Johnny and told him, “I suffer from dyslexia.

As a kid I was the only kid on my block on Halloween that would go—Trick or Trout!

And the neighbors would go—Here comes that Williams boy—Better go get some fish.”

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Rodney Dangerfield is another great comedian that I loved. And one of my favorite jokes that he told is:

When I was a kid my Dad didn’t like me. He gave me my allowance in traveler’s checks.

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And this concludes this segment of Make Me Laugh Time. 

I do hope that my podcast has made you laugh at least once, but if it didn’t—who cares!

Thank y’all for listening. And please remember my favorite quote;

Life is short and so am I! Take care Curtis & Clive and y’all keep on laughing!

We Rescued David Beckham Today!

Yes, it is true that we rescued David Beckham today—and he is adorable, but a little bit on the wild side! This morning around nine o'clock, my nephew Tom, Cindy's son, called the rescue ranch. "Nance, this is Tom. Nicki and I are on a ranch, over in Harper, with some friends..."

It was a sweet story about a little wild hog, that they had rescued, and they were wondering if we could help them out, because there was no way they could take the little pig to their rented house in Austin. "Tom, we can take the pig. We love pigs!" I heard cheers in the background. "When do y'all want to bring him out?"

At eleven-thirty, Tom, Nicki and their friend Brady arrived at the rescue ranch, with the cutest three month old, orange and black colored wild soon to be hog! Tony and I fell in love with him the minute we saw him! "Thank you so much Nance and Tony," Tom said. "He is really sweet and he loves to be petted. And get this—he loves our dogs and wants to play with them!"

As Tom carried the little fellow, we talked about what name we should give him. "On our drive over to here," Tom said. "We came up with Kevin Bacon and David Beckham." Then we all laughed.

"Those are great names, y'all!" I said. "I know who Kevin Bacon is, and I have heard of David Beckham, but I don't know who he is. Is he a movie star?" Everyone started laughing, but me. Then they quickly filled me in on who Beckham was. "I liked that Beckham was a famous good-looking, super soccer player, so I named this little cutie after David Beckham, and we are going to call him Beck—for short.

After playing with Beck, petting him and taking pictures, I invited Nicki, Brady and Tom to come into The Space Ship. And, of couse—they absolutely loved it! Then we went into Outer Space, and I showed off Tom and Ronnie's loving handywork! After a fun visit in Outer Space, we went inside the trailer, so I could show off our trailer to Brady. Brady thought our trailer was really cool—especially our beautiful bed—that T. made for us—when we got married ten years ago! Before leaving the trailer, Tony offered them some Nerd drinks, and they loved them, too!

After a short visit outside, it was time for them to return to Austin and they left—thanking us for helping them rescue Beck—before they left!

This afternoon, after completing Mari's and my four mile daily walk, I went outside to the pig pen, to visit with David Beckham some more. Y'all, I am in love with this little guy! He followed me around the pig pen, like a little puppy, wanting to be petted! And, at one point, he leaned into the front of my legs, and then layed down on my boots and went to sleep—which absolutely stole my heart!

I have posted a video that I took of him and it was not easy, because as I petted him, I had my left hand aiming the camera at him...it definitely won't get an academy award nomination, but I promise that you will fall in love— with the cutest little, wild wannabe hog, in the Texas Hill Country! I hope you enjoy the thirty-second clip! Here are a couple of pictures that I took of him. Y'all have a great evening! I'm fixing to watch Tom Selleck, on his new TV show—Jesse Stone!

P.S. Nicki I hope that I spelled your name correctly!

When Pigs Fly!

Yesterday, Paul Emerson, our friend and volunteer, came out to visit, and we started reminiscing about the rescue ranch and I remembered this story.

Years ago, during the Spring, a church group of about twenty young children and a few adults, came out to the rescue ranch, to volunteer their services for a couple of hours. Because, the children were so young, we decided to let them play with our pigs and clean their pen.

The kids fell in love with our pigs, and were disappointed when their work was completed, and it was time for them to leave our ranch.

While the parents were busily loading up the kids into their cars, one cute, little, seven-year old girl, pointed over to our pig pen and screamed, “Look at that pig! What is he doing?”

We all looked and gasped at what we saw! The children were laughing and screaming with delight, and the parents were mortified!

Apparently after we had left the pig pen, a three hundred pound, black and white-spotted, wild hog, had wandered up to the pig pen because Alice, one of our sows, was in heat. The wild hog was outside the pig pen, standing on his hind legs, leaning into the fence, and trying to make love to Alice! He was wildly, humping away, but to no avail—Alice wasn’t interested!

Tony took off, to run the lovesick hog off, and thinking fast, I said, “Oh, he’s just dancing. Pigs love to dance.” (Yeah right, when pigs fly—I thought to myself.)

With children laughing hysterically—the parents quickly thanked me, and then drove away as fast as they could!

That wild hog made several more visits to our pig pen during that week, and he did do a lot of dancing, so to speak. Fortunately, Alice didn’t get pregnant, and unfortunately, that church group has never returned.